Jessica Teich - Trees Make the Best Mobiles: Simple Ways to Raise Your Child in a Complex World

Praise for Trees Make The Best Mobiles:
Simple Ways to Raise Your Child in a Complex World

This book is a practical contemplationa haiku for parents.... As the mother of four, I know the pressures that pull us out of the moment. Jessica Teich and Brandel France de Bravo help relocate the values of listening, seeing, and sharing the discovery of each day with a child.

Meryl Streep

The authors speak with a warmth and clarity that reassures and informs parents just when they need it most. Theirs is a deft, appreciated touch in the shouting match that so often characterizes parenting books.

Kyle D. Pruett, M.D., Clinical Professor of Child Psychiatry,
Yale University, and author of Me, Myself and I:
How Children Build Their Sense of Self

A light and lovely Zen-influenced collection.... Their practical advice is peppered with loving reminders that for many mothers, life is too pressured and too fast.

Fit Pregnancy

In our fast-paced, high-pressure world, its easy to get drawn into a stressful, painstaking form of parenting. In this lovely little book, Jessica Teich and Brandel France de Bravo remind us that the best parenting is often simple and instinctiveand they give practical ideas for helping parents stay present and see the wonder and connection, even when changing diapers.

Richard Carlson, Ph.D., author of Dont Sweat the Small Stuff

make the best mobiles

simple ways to raise your
child in a complex world

jessica teich
and
brandel france de bravo

St. Martins Griffin
New York

TREES MAKE THE BEST MOBILES: SIMPLE WAYS TO RAISE YOUR CHILD IN A COMPLEX WORLD . Copyright 2001 by Jessica Teich and Brandel France de Bravo. All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews. For information, address St. Martins Press, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10010.

The lines from love is a place on page 153 are Copyright 1935,
1963, 1991 by the Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust. Copyright
1978 by George James Firmage, from Complete Poems: 1904-1962 by
E. E. Cummings, edited by George J. Firmage. Used by permission for
Liveright Publishing Corporation.

The lines from The Present on page 181 are
Copyright 1963 by W. S. Merwin.

www.stmartins.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Teich, Jessica.

Trees make the best mobiles: simple ways to raise your child in a complex world / Jessica Teich and Brandel France de Bravo.

p. cm.

ISBN 0-312-26930-7 (he)

ISBN 0-312-30325-4 (pbk)

1. InfantsCare. 2. ToddlersCare. 3. Parenting. 4. Parent and infant. I. France de Bravo, Brandel. I. Title.

HO774 .T43 2001

D 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7

for isabel and amaya,
our daughters and teachers,
and
for their fathers,
michael and mario

contents

the anatomy lesson
changing a diaper

i want to be alone
the need for solitude

the long and the short
the real quality time

baby talk
speaking to your infant

safe at home
keeping your baby safe

thumbs up
pacifiers and thumb-sucking

k.i.s.s.
choosing toys

just (dont) say no
empathy

youre only a baby once
developmental milestones

hickory, dickory, dock
predictability and routine

its all relative
coparenting

unplugged
television and videos

do as i do
setting an example

more k.i.s.s.es
creating a soothing environment

brain aerobics
offering choices

food fight
feeding your baby

being there
slowing down and doing less

body language
active teaching

be a believer
having faith in your child

baby steps
following cues

the apple and the tree
respecting your childs choices

walking the walk
learning to walk

octopus mom
setting priorities and simplifying your life

in loco parentis
finding a caregiver

if it aint broke, dont fix it
baby gear

mind over manners
etiquette

its my party and Ill cry if i want to
temper tantrums

ashes, ashes
telling the truth

seen and not heard
learning to listen

mirror, mirror on the wall
seeing, not judging

the committee of sleep
getting your baby to bed

take my wife, please!
sharing

thought for food
focusing on food

days of whine and roses
whining

potty on!
learning to use the toilet

the color of water
recognition versus praise

crime and punishment
discipline

sticks and stones
teasing

carpe diem
flexibility and cooperation

playing for keeps
the benefits of free play

sound and fury
spanking

keeping the peace
siblings

the real stuff
tv, computers, and books

footprints
the search for identity

Writing a book is a bit like birthing a baby. Its a lot harder than you think, and the result never looks quite like youd imagined. Our labor had the benefit of many midwives, first and foremost our agent Brian DeFiore, who believed in the project even when it had a very different title and tone, and who answered our every question with patience and clarity. Other early supporters include our editor, Elizabeth Beier, who hung in there with us even as we moved cities, changed schools, left the country for long periods, and extended an early deadline. We also owe thanks to our mothers, Suzanne Teich and Ruth France, who read the manuscript in an early incarnation and did not disown it, or us.

We are greatly indebted to two other readers: Daniel Wolfe, who gave us the benefit of his long experience as a writer, and offered specific and valuable comments on our first finished draft, and Michael Gendler, who graciously accepted the role of critic-in-residence, and served as our lawyer during the search for a book agent. Our thanks and love also to Aida L. Jaco, who kept our daughters company while we worked, fed them (and us), and nurtured them even as we would have had we been there. We are grateful to our mentors: the visionary founder of RIE, Magda Gerber; our RIE instructors, Elizabeth Memel and Carol Pinto; Mary Hartzell Rota for her practical advice; Gurmukh for her teachings, both spiritual and mundane; Hasmik Avetisian and Julie Kern for their love of reading and the arts, and Judy Accardi and all the teachers at Play Mountain Place for emphasizing the importance of feelings, especially to the very young. These women are godmothers to our book, and we hope we did them proud. Finally, our thanks to all the friends who called to see how we (and the book) were doing: Toby Appleton, Janet S. Blake, Jennifer Clement, Victoria Godfrey, Bonni Goldberg, Gabriel Ramirez, Elizabeth Sherwood-Randall, and Rosanne State. It takes a village to write a book as well.