Wayne A. Mack - Strengthening Your Marriage

In this unit Gods blueprint for marriage in Genesis 2:1825 is considered. The concepts of leaving, cleaving, and becoming one flesh are presented and explained. Suggested reading and study questions to be completed by both the husband and the wife are included.

A. As far as I know there is only one statement about marriage that God includes four times in the Bible.

1. He makes it in Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:78, and Ephesians 5:31. The statement is, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

2. God makes this same statement about marriage four times.

a. He makes it once in the Old Testament and three times in the New Testament.

b. He makes it once before man fell into sin and three times after man fell into sin.

3. This statement contains Gods marital purpose for perfect man and for sinful man. This statement contains Gods all-time blueprint for a good marriage.

B. A good blueprint is just as necessary for a good marriage as it is for a building project.

1. Today, there are many unhappy, unfulfilling marriages not only among non-Christians but also among Christians.

2. This unhappiness is caused to a large extent by the failure of people to pay attention to Gods blueprint for marriage.

3. What then is Gods blueprint for marriage? What does Gods kind of marriage involve?

I. Gods blueprint for marriage directs husbands and wives to leave their fathers and mothers.

A. What does it mean to leave your parents?

1. Well, it certainly does not mean that you abandon or utterly forsake them. (Compare Exod. 20:12; Mark 7:913; 1 Tim. 5:8.)

2. Nor does it mean that you must make a great geographical move. Living too close to parents at the beginning of a marriage may make it more difficult to leave, but it is possible to leave your father and mother and still live next door. Conversely, it is possible to live a thousand miles away from your parents and not leave them. In fact, you may not have left your parents even though they are dead.

B. To leave your parents means that your relationship to your parents must be radically changed.

1. It means that you establish an adult relationship with them.

2. It means that you must be more concerned about your mates ideas, opinions, and practices than those of your parents.

3. It means that you must not be slavishly dependent on your parents for affection, approval, assistance, and counsel.

4. It means that you must eliminate any bad attitudes toward your parents, or you will be tied emotionally to them regardless of how far you move from them.

5. It means that you must stop trying to change your mate simply because your parents do not like him the way he is.

6. It means that you make the husband and wife relationship your priority human relationship.

a. Yes, you should be concerned about being a good son/daughteror mother/father, but you should be more concerned about being a good husband/wife than about being a good son/daughter or father/mother. Children do not need indulgent parents who continually neglect each other. They need parents who will demonstrate how to face and solve problems. They need parents who will show them how to be good husbands and wives; how to relate to other people.

b. If you are parents, your goal should be to prepare your children to leave, not to stay. Your life must not be wrapped around them or you may make them emotional cripples.

c. You should be preparing yourselves for the day when your children leave by cultivating common interests, by learning to do things together, and by deepening your friendship with each other.

d. When your children have married, you must not try to run their lives. You must allow the young husband to be the head of his home, to make decisions for himself, to look to his wife, not you, as his primary responsibility and helper. You must encourage your daughter to depend upon her husband, not you, for guidance, help, companionship, and affection.

II. Gods blueprint for marriage directs husbands and wives to cleave to one another.

A. In our day many young couples seem to marry with the thought that if their marriage does not work out they can always get a divorce.

1. When they marry, they vow to be faithful until death, but under their breath they add, unless our problems are too great.

2. Indeed, some suggest that we should renew our marriage license every year even as we do our automobile license. Others suggest that we forget about the hassle of having to get a marriage license or going through a marriage ceremony.

3. For them, marriage is a matter of convenience, of chance, and may be very temporary. It all depends on how the cards fall out.

B. But God says, No, thats not the way I planned it. I planned marriage to be a permanent relationship. I want the husband and wife to cleave to one another (Mark 10:79).

1. Marriage, then, is not a matter of blind chance, but deliberate choice.

2. It is not merely a matter of convenience, but obedience.

3. It is not a matter of how the cards fall out, but of how much you are willing and determined to work at it.

C. A good marriage is based more on commitment than feeling or animal attraction.

1. According to Malachi 2:14 and Proverbs 2:17, marriage is an irrevocable covenant or contract to which we are bound.

2. Therefore, when two people get married they promise that they will be faithful to each other regardless of what happens.

a. The wife promises that she will be faithful even if the husband is afflicted with bulges, baldness, bunions, and bifocals; even if he loses his health, his wealth, his job, his charm; even if someone more exciting comes along.

b. The husband promises to be faithful even if the wife loses her beauty and appeal; even if she is not as neat and tidy or as submissive as he would like her to be; even if she does not satisfy his sexual desires completely; even if she spends money foolishly or is a terrible cook.

c. Marriage means that a husband and wife enter into a relationship for which they accept full responsibility and in which they commit themselves to each other regardless of what problems arise.

D. In many ways getting married is like becoming a Christian.

1. When a person becomes a Christian, he leaves his former way of life, his self-righteousness, his own efforts to save himself, and turns to Christ, who died in the place and stead of sinners.

2. In this act of turning to Christ, he commits himself to Christ. The very essence of saving faith is a personal commitment to Christ in which a person promises to trust Christ faithfully and completely and to serve Christ faithfully and diligently, regardless of how he feels or what problems arise. (Compare Rom. 10:910; Acts 16:31; Phil. 3:78; 1 Thess. 1:910.)