Yoe - LOL: a load of laughs and jokes for kids

LITTLE SIMON An imprint of Simon & Schuster Childrens Publishing Division 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 www.SimonandSchuster.com First Little Simon paperback edition August 2017 Copyright 2017 by Craig Yoe Portions of this material previously appeared in The Mighty Big Book of Jokes, The Mighty Big Book of Riddles, and The Mighty Big Book of School Jokes copyright 2001, 2003 by Craig Yoe and in Thanksgiving Jokes & Riddles, Valentines Day Jokes & Riddles, and Christmas Jokes & Riddles copyright 2003 by Craig Yoe Studio, Inc. All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. LITTLE SIMON is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and associated colophon is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or . The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

Designed by Hannah Frece This book has been cataloged with the Library of Congress. ISBN 978-1-4814-7818-2 (pbk) ISBN 978-1-4814-7819-9 (eBook) To Griffin and Grace, whom I deeply love and who give me so many wonderful laughs!

Q: Whats a chickens favorite nursery rhyme? A: Little Bo Peep-Peep! Q: What did one caveman say to the other caveman when a dinosaur stomped by? A: Do-you-think-he-saurus? Q: What is a gorillas favorite drink? A: Lemon-ape! Q: How does a fairy tale about frogs end? A: They lived hoppily ever after! Q: Where do pigs keep their dirty clothes? A: In the ham-per! Q: Why do birds go to the library? A: To look for book worms! Q: Why shouldnt you tell a pig your secrets? A: Because hell squeal! Q: What kind of truck does a frog drive? A: A toad truck! Q: Why did the turkey cross the road? A: Because it was the chickens day off! Q: Why couldnt the dragon hold his job? A: He kept getting fired! Q: What kind of fish can you build things with? A: A hammer-head shark! Q: What do dogs wear when they play football? A: Hel-mutts! Q: What do you call a mouse that just took a shower? A: Squeak-y clean! Q: What does a squirrel with a sore tooth eat? A: Ache-corns! Q: What does a dog hate on his pizza? A: Mozzarella fleas! Q: What do you tell a selfish sheep? A: Its not all about ewe! Q: What does a cat do if he loses his tail? A: He goes to a re-tail store! Q: What do chickens do at Christmas? A: Eggs-change gifts! Q: Why did the sheep go to the doctor? A: Because it was feeling baa-d! Q: What does a cow put under her plate at dinner? A: A place moo-t! Q: Did you hear that the pony cant talk? A: Yes, its a little hoarse! Q: What does a vulture say before dinner? A: Let us prey! Q: What is a monkeys favorite cookie? A: Chocolate chimp! Q: What animals are the best swimmers? A: Elephantsthey always have their trunks on! Q: Why did the cows get married? A: Because they loved each udder! Q: What did the goose say when it was stuck in traffic? A: Honk! Honk! Q: Where does a Tyrannosaurus rex go on vacation? A: To the dino-shore! Q: What did the ape write on his sweethearts valentine? A: Youre the gorilla my dreams! Q: Why are skunks good decision makers? A: Because they have a lot of common scents! Q: What is a dogs favorite food? A: Anything on your plate! Q: Why did the cow get a second job? A: Because he needed to make more moo-lah! Q: Why couldnt the pirate play cards with his parrot? A: Because he was sitting on the deck! Q: Why was the dogs nose flat? A: Because he chased parked cars! Q: What laughing animal is the most friendly? A: A hi-ena! Q: What did the goat say to his younger brother? A: Go away, kid, you bother me! Q: What is big and green and goes gobble-gobble? A: Turkeysaurus rex! Q: Why did the snake work at the gas station? A: He was a windshield viper! Q: Why shouldnt you insult a cat lover? A: Youll hurt his felines! Q: What did the duck family have after a shopping spree? A: A lot of bills! Q: What kind of swimming does a turkey do? A: The turkey breast stroke! Q: Why did the gorillas close their store? A: Because they only got monkey business! Q: What do rabbits say on Turkey Day? A: Hop-py Thanksgiving! Q: Why did the chicken sign up for band practice? A: She wanted to use her drumsticks! Q: What reptile is good to have around on moving day? A: A box turtle! Q: What kind of underwear do dogs wear? A: Boxer shorts! Q: What animal goes Krab! Krab!? A: A dog barking backward! Q: Where do cows and chickens go to get medicine? A: The farm-acist! Q: What message did the bat hear on the phone? A: Please hang upside down and try again! Q: What wild animals are the best dressed? A: Tie-gers! Q: Why did the turkey get in trouble? A: He was using fowl language! Q: What kind of dog can tell time? A: A watch dog! Q: When is it most unlucky to have a black cat cross your path? A: When youre a mouse! Q: What do you call a team of monkeys that wins a big game? A: The chimp-ions! Q: Why did the crab get coal for Christmas? A: Because it was being shellfish! Q: What position does a mule play on a football team? A: Kicker! Q: Where does a frog get his glasses? A: At the hop-tometrist! Q: Why do bears wear fur coats? A: Because they would look silly in rain coats! Q: What do you call a goose standing on its head? A: Upside down! Q: Why dont seagulls fly over a bay? A: Cause then youd have to call them bay-gulls! Q: Whats a skunks favorite dessert? A: Smell-o! Q: Why did the dog run away from home? A: Dog-gone if I know! Q: What kind of gum does a whale chew? A: Blubber gum! Q: What do you get when you cross a big cat with a newspaper? A: A head-lion! Q: What did the sheep have on its thirteenth birthday? A: A baa-mitzvah! Q: Why did they have a funeral for the frog? A: Cause it croaked! Q: What do you call a really small mouse? A: A pip squeak! Q: What is a skunks favorite snack? A: Stench fries! Q: What tree does a bear like to climb? A: A fur tree! Q: What do you get when you cross a monkey with dynamite? A: Ba-booms! Q: What do you use to wash a dog? A: Sham-poodle! Q: What did the cat say when she spilled her milk? A: Nobodys purr-fect! Q: Why did the radio station hire the canary? A: He worked cheep! Q: How do you know thats a baby snake? A: It has a rattle! Q: What time is it when a T. rex sits on your chair? A: Time to get a new chair! Q: Where do cows live in apartments? A: In Moo York City! Q: What has two humps and is found at the South Pole? A: A lost camel! Q: What does a chicken eat at the movies? A: Peep-corn! Q: What happened when the car was surrounded by two dogs? A: It was double barked! Q: Why was the lamb wandering around in the middle of the night? A: Because she was sheep-walking! Q: What kind of fish goes well with peanut butter? A: Jelly fish, of course!