Sharan Khan - Best jokes of all time

Best Jokes of all Time Sharan Khan Sharan Khans Books Islamabad, Pakistan Top Jokes of all time - SmashwordsEdition Published by Sharan Khan at Smashwords Copyright 2013 by Sharan Khan ............ Joke 1: Police: where do u live? Me: with my parents Police: where does ur parents live? Me: with me Police: where do u all live? Me: together Police: where is ur house? Me: next to my neighbors house Police: where is your neighbors house? Me: if i tell you u wont believe me. Police: tell me Me: next to my house Joke 2: Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid maystand up!" *Nobody stands up* Teacher: "Im sure there are some stupidstudents over here!!" *Little Johnny stands up* Teacher: "Ohh, Johnny you think you'restupid?" Little Johnny: "No... i just feel bad thatyou're standing alone..." Joke 3: Cop: "Did you kill this man?" Me: "No, a bullet killed him. Bullets aremade of lead, which comes from the ground. The ground is part ofnature.

He died of natural causes. Case closed." Joke 4: Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning. Joke 5: Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principal's daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *walks away* Joke 6: Something To Do When You're Bored: 1. 2. 2.

Put it in the freezer. 3. Wait 10 minutes. 4. Take out the fly, it will be unconcious,not dead. 5.

Pull out a strand of hair or a thin pieceof string. 6. Tie it around the fly. 7. Wait till it wakes up. BAM! Your very own pet fly Joke 7: *Hott Girl's Facebook Status* "Bored" -86 Likes -54 Comments *My status* "Just got accepted into Harvard!" -0 Likes -1Comment from Mom:"...Nerd" Joke 8: 3 years old: My mom is the best! 7 years old: Mom I love you! 10 years old: Mom what ever! 17 years old: OMG my mom is so annoying! 25 years old: I wanna go back home! 35 years old: Mom you were right 50 years old: I dont wanna lose my mom! 70 years old: I would give everything to havemy mom with me! Joke 9: Boy: Hi.

Girl: I have a boyfriend. Boy: I said hi, not suck my dick. Joke 10: Q: Is google a boy or girl? A: Obviously a girl because it wont let youfinish your sentence without suggesting other ideas Joke 11: A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, hisfamily is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's apussy, and his owner beats him. Joke 12: My girlfriend came out of the shower andsaid, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?" I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is cloggedagain." Joke 13: My girl caught me blowing my dick with theair dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently "heating yourdinner" wasn't a good answer. Joke 14: girl - baby im wet.

Boy - want a paper towel? Girl - no, i want more then that ;) Boy - want 2 paper towels? Girl - no, baby i want sumthing big and round;) Boy - damn you want the whole roll? Joke 15: Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for mylegs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread. Joke 16: Don't ever let your girl talk to another guyabout her problems; a shoulder to cry on, becomes a dick to rideon. #Based on a true story Joke 17: I could never fight a gay guy. "I'm gonna beat your ass... "I'm gonna beat your ass...

I mean I'm gonnaf*ck you up... no, I mean I'm stick my foot so far up your ass..no, not like that, I mean Fuck you, damn it, I give up Joke 18: If one drop of semen contains more life thana drop of blood, why don't vampires suck cock? Oh wait... Twilight Joke 19: Surprise sex is the best thing to wake upto... unless your in prison. Joke 20: FIRETRUCK GAME Boy: Let's play the firetruck game. Girl: How do you play? Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and yousay "redlight" when you want me to stop.

Girl: Okay :) *Few seconds later* Girl: REDLIGHT!! Boy: Firetrucks don't stop for redlights;) Joke 21: Teacher: And therefore, sperm cells are madeup of glucose. Student: So you're saying that sperm hassugar in it? Teacher: Technically. Yes. Student: But it doesn't even taste likethat... Teacher: what? Student: what? Joke 22: A Teacher lecturing on population - In Indiaafter Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid. A Sardar stands up- we must find & stopher!.

Joke 23: Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get thecup. Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup,why r others running? Joke 24: Sardar-why r all these people running? Man- This is a race, the winner will get thecup. Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup,why r others running? Joke 25: Teacher: "I killed a person" convert thissentence into future tense. Sardar: The future tense is "u will go tojail". Joke 26: Sardarji was filling up application form fora job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column"Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote: Yes! Joke 27: Sardar told his servant: Go and water theplants. Servant it's already raining. Sardar: So what? Takean umbrella and go. Joke 28: Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket.Dealer gave 11cr after deducting tax. Angry Sardar:"Give me 20 cr or else return my 20 Rs back.

Joke 29: Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver UThis Packet Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead ucould have posted it.... Joke 30: Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like mygrandpa who died peacefully in his sleep not screaming likeall the passengers in the car he was driving.. Joke 31: Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose thishorrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats amirror! Joke 32: Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, hecan't read very fast. Joke 33: Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in agraveyard in punjab .

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and arestill digging for more.. Joke 34: A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goeswalking at evening not in the morning. Sardarji replied "Arey bhaiManmohan is PM not AM". Joke 35: Wife: You always carry my photo in yourhandbag to the office. Why? Darling : When there is a problem, no matterhow impossible, I look at your picture and the problemdisappears. Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful Iam for you? Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say tomyself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one? Joke 36: Girl: When we get married, I want to shareall your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.

Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But Idon't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that is because we aren't marriedyet. Joke 37: Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad thismorning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy'slap. Joke 38: A newly married man asked his wife, "Wouldyou have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey,"the woman replied Sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOUA FORTUNE" Joke 39: Father to son after exam: "let me see yourreport card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it.

He wants toscare his parents." Joke 40: A teacher asked her class for sentences usingthe word "beans".. My Father grows beans," said one student. "Myfather cooks beans," said another. Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are allhuman beans." Joke 41: Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do youowe your success as a millionaire?" Millionaire: "I owe everything to mywife." Interviewer: "Wow, she must be somewoman. Interviewer: "What were you before youmarried her?" Millionaire: "A Billionaire" Joke 42: Its funny when people discuss over "lovemarriage" and "arranged marriage" It is like asking a person if he would liketo "hang himself" or "shoot himself". Joke 43: What is a girl friend? Addition of problems, subtraction of money,multiplication of enemies & division of friends.

Joke 44: Guide: "I welcome you all to Niagara Falls.These are the world's largest waterfalls and the sound intensity of thewaterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't beheard. Now may I request the ladies to keep quite sothat we can hear the Niagara Falls?" Joke 45: Three patients in a mental institutionprepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will befree to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institutionwill detain them for seven years. The doctor takes the three patients to thetop of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asksthe first patient to jump. The first patient jumps head first into thepool and breaks both arms.