Eyre Linda - The 8 myths of marriaging: making marriage a verb and replacing myth with truth

THE

Myths of

MARRIAGING

Copyright 2019 by Eyrealm, a Public Charity

All rights reserved.

All author proceeds and royalties from this book go Eyrealm, a Public Charity, which helps third-world families and offers free parenting and family strengthening ideas to all. You are invited to Eyrealms website at Family.Is and its social media pages: Family Is on Instagram and Twitter, and My Family on Facebook.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

2019935082

Print ISBN 9781641701396

Ebook ISBN 9781641702041

Printed in the United States of America

Edited by Kaylee Mason, Michele Robbins, and Alison Strobel

Cover design by Derek George

Book design by Brooke Jorden

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

THE

Myths of

MARRIAGING

MAKING MARRIAGE A VERB

AND REPLACING MYTH WITH

TRUTH

NEW YORK TIMES #1 BESTSELLING AUTHORS

RICHARD & LINDA EYRE

To our four daughters-in-lawAja, Anita, Kristi, and Julie and our four sons-in-lawJared, David, Jeff, and Ian who have introduced us to a whole new world of varied possibilities for marriage and have brightened and broadened our children in the process.

Released on the day of their 50th wedding anniversary, this is the first and only book on marriage that prolific, bestselling family and parenting authors Richard and Linda Eyre have ever written.

We didnt want to tackle this subject, says Linda, until we had five decades of it under our belts.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

With gratitude for our favorite publishing company Familius, a company led by Christopher Robbins a unique and gifted publisher and friend who shares our passion for making families betterand happier. We are also grateful to Brooke Jorden for her design, management, and editing, and also to Kaylee Mason and Michelle Robbins whose edits and suggestions have made this a better book!

Marriaging is a never-ending process! How we appreciate our children who have shown us new ideas and paths through their own marriage processes and our friends from Inklings, our forty-year-old literary group whose stellar and vastly different but inspirational marriages have helped us in our thinking and writing. They have worked with us to discover the myths and refine the truths of marriage!

PREFACE

MARRIAGING IS ALWAYS WORTH THE EFFORT

W e call it marriaging because it is a dynamic, happening word; while marriage is a static, happened word. Marriaging, like parenting, is a skillor an art or a sciencethat can be continually and actively worked on, developed, and improved.

We will use this new word marriaging throughout the book and you will know its proactive, working-to-get-better meaning. Marriage is the noun, but marriaging is the verb. As we strive to get better at it, we want the ability to say Im marriaging just like we say Im parenting.

As we strive to build and grow our marriaging ability, there are some misconceptions that can get in our waysome misplaced beliefs or false paradigms that point us in the wrong directions and suck the joy out of our relationships. They do this through unrealistic expectations and false goals that cause dissatisfaction, discouragement, and frustration.

Marriaging, like parenting, is a skill that can be continually and actively worked on, developed, and improved.

We call these misconceptions the Myths of Marriaging. They all sound goodmany of them are even disguised as wise advice or packaged as sage insights. Indeed we may have heard some of them so many times that we assume they must be true.

But they are not.

Some of these myths raise our hopes and expectations unreasonably; others oversimplify; and still others exaggerate a good direction so much that it turns back and harms our relationship instead.

The good news is that wherever there is a myth there is a countering truth. There is another side of the cointhe true side.

Sometimes knowing both sides, and considering them together, can clarify and illuminate. Sometimes we need first to know what not to do or think or believe in order to avoid the common pitfalls that often overtake a marriage.

Then, by contrast, we need to know what to do or think or believe in order to maximize our marriages.

So we will first try to dispel the myths, then to capture the truths.

A myth is a mist;

A truth is a trumpet.

The mist is deceptive, disingenuous, and dangerous;

The truth is clear, loud, and unmistakable.

And beyond the sorting out of myths and truths,

We need practical ideas to emerge from one and implement the other.

What we all need is clear directions and goals because:

Marriage is not a stationary thing.

It is always moving and changing,

And to keep moving in the right direction,

It needs a lot of refreshing,

A lot of fresh approaches,

A lot of new oxygen!

This takes effort, but it is effort well-expended because good marriaging is the best path to a healthy family and a happy life.

When we speak or lead discussions, we often begin by asking our audiences what really matters in life. We get some interesting answers that range from the practical to the ethereal, from the conceptual to the crass. Some of the most common answers are:

Peace

Satisfaction

Investments

Achievements

Reputation

Comfort

But the number one answerevery timeis:

Relationships.

After we get these responses, we love expressing our belief that marriage is not only the prime relationship but the epitome and the source of all the other hopes and desires they have just listed.

A strong stable marriage is the most lasting source of peace.

The satisfaction of a lifetime love surpasses all others.

What we invest in the institution of marriage

pays the highest dividends and the best overall return of all.

Compared to the achievement of a lasting marriage,

all other accomplishments pale,

because it is not just an achievement or an accomplishment,

it is a relationship.

And there is no better relationship

And no stronger reputation

than that of a genuine, lasting marriage.

And as years pass,

the only reliable comfort is in this union.

Richard and Linda Eyre,

Park City, Utah, on July 30, 2019 (Our fiftieth anniversary)

PSImmanuel Kant waited until his old age to publish his key works of philosophy because he didnt feel like he knew enough before that.

We waited until our fiftieth anniversary to write our first book on marriage for the same reason.

Immanuel Kant waited until his old age to publish his key works of philosophy because he didnt feel like he knew enough before that.

We waited until our fiftieth anniversary to write our first book on marriage for the same reason.

And even now we feel like we may know more about what not to do in marriaging than what to do. We suppose that is why we call this book