John Captain - Dont Get Married Because You Are Tired Of Drinking! The 50 New Rules of Modern Dating

Copyright 2013 by John D. Captain
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof
may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

FREE MONEY

Congratulations! You might have paid for this book just by reading the following:

Step 1: go to http://www.unclaimed.org/

Step 2: Click your state

Step 3: (For New York) Hit "SEARCH NOW"

Step 4: Check your name, check your relatives names, and then your friends names.

If your name comes up, then the state is holding money for you. They usually do not tell you the amount. You have to wait for the check to arrive in the mail before you find out how much they are holding.

It took me about 5 business days to receive my check from the state: if it has to be notarized it can take up to 60 days

INTRODUCTION

Vinny had just returned to his apartment after leaving the gym. After parking his car outside, he walked in to find his girlfriend waiting for him on the couch. Hey baby, how was the gym? It was good, he replied. Do my arms look any bigger? he asked, while flexing into his favorite mirror. Oh yeah babe, they look really ripped.

SMACK!!You lying Bitch ! I worked out my legs today!

I was trying my hardest not to laugh when I read my friends police report. Dude, so let me get this straight, you smacked your girlfriend in the face because she said your arms looked bigger on leg day? Bro, you need to take it easy with the gym, you are losing your mind. But who was I to talk? For years, I had told my single friends that they shouldnt complain about being single if they didnt work out, but this was getting out of hand. Besides, I was 32 years old, un-married, and still living with a roommate.

I think she is going to take me back. If she agrees to drop the charges, my lawyer said my record will be cleared. Thats great news Vinny. And if she doesnt drop the charges, at least you can work out in prison! I joked. Vinny forced out a chuckle, but I could see in his face that he was really upset. Vinny was your typical 30 year-old, Brooklyn juice head. He was constantly blaming his ex-girlfriends for ruining his life, but it was clear to everyone except Vinny that he needed to make some obvious changes in his own life. Listen Vin, we need to take a trip out to Arizona to visit Joe. You need to clear your mind.

Our friend Joe was the perfect guy to visit when you were having girl problems. We grew up with Joe in Brooklyn, and he had recently relocated out to Scottsdale, Arizona. Two years ago, Joe had broken up with his live-in girlfriend, and ever since then, he had been sleeping with everything that walked, crawled or breathed. It wasnt that he didnt want another girlfriend, but he was going to have his fun until he found someone good enough to keep around long-term. He also just purchased his first home, which had a huge pool in the backyard, and for a couple of kids from Brooklyn, this was like a trip to paradise.

The day that we were supposed to leave, it was raining hard in NYC, and our flight was delayed for 3 hours out of JFK international. I was convinced that our flight was going to be cancelled, until all of a sudden the stewardess made a quick announcement, and rushed all of us on to the plane..

When we finally landed in Phoenix, I was expecting Joe to give Vinny his usual tour of Arizona. Joe had a whole routine planned for when his friends flew in from out of state. It usually started with a 5-mile hike in the mountains, a quick visit to the gym, and then he would take you out to the bars that were always packed with hot Arizona girls. But this time Joe had a different look on his face. You bastards! I waited 3 hours straight for you guys, and I left work early for no reason. We are going to have to go straight out tonight, no messing around.

That night, we went out drinking in Scottsdale with Joe, and we had the time of our lives. But most importantly, Vinny was dancing and having a good time. He ordered a couple of drinks and talked to some local girls, but most importantly, he got his mind off his crazy ex-girlfriend back in Brooklyn.

Unfortunately, we all went home that night empty-handed, and when we got back to Joes house, we started to get into a deep philosophical discussion. Why are we all single? I asked. All 3 of us are in our 30s, we work out, have decent jobs. What is going wrong?

I always expected dating to be similar to what my parents experienced. Most people were expected to party like crazy in college, and after graduation they would date for a couple of years until they found someone to settle down with. I always assumed that the same system still existed for my generation, but that it had just moved up a couple of years. 30 had become the new 20, and 40 had become the new 30.

Unfortunately this wasnt the way it happened for me. During my ten years of dating after college, I had been:

• Kicked
• Punched
• Spit on
• Threatened
• Farted on
• Choked
• Robbed

And, the worst of all:

• Sodomized

I also had the police called on me twice, and one time I was stood up at the airport holding my dick in one hand, and two tickets to paradise in the other. And years later, when I finally thought I was beyond all the drama, I went to work one day unaware that I was wearing some other guys underwear. It was at this time that I realized that the rules of dating had changed. Any predetermined notion that I had about dating had been completely thrown out the window, and we needed to add some new rules to the playbook.

I eventually started writing down some of the hilarious conservations my friends were having regarding dating, and over a several-month period, I was able to create the The 50 New Rules of Modern Dating

Recently I have been noticing the same type of people getting married too early, and then subsequently getting divorced. They usually share the same qualities:

A) Their game is horrible : They had such a hard time finding any type of dates for years, that when they finally find someone who will answer their text messages back, they think that it represents true love.

B) Under 30 : Why would anyone get married before age 30? First of all, most people dont finish college until 21 or 22. After you graduate from college, everything you are trying to accomplish in life is going to need some TIME. I didnt finish graduate school until age 26. It takes a while to get your life moving in the right direction. Save money, work out, work on your career, and date your brains out before you start seriously looking for a spouse.
C) They are tired of going out : Some people just don't like going out and drinking. For me, personally, I love going out, and I hate sitting on the couch. I used to go out every Friday and Saturday nights until 4 in the morning. Now that I am in my 30s, I prefer a nice happy hour from 6-12.
But, in all seriousness, there is a right way to get married: GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER FIRST. Finish school, save up some money, and sleep with those 2 strippers In Las Vegas.

Get a life. Be self-motivated, and confident. Eat a proper diet and stay on it. Take up some new hobbies.

And then, and only then, will you meet someone that is right for you. And since you have life experience, you will recognize a good person when you find them.