Contents
Landmarks
Shaunti and Lisa have done an outstanding job talking about the issues, confusion, and dreams our kids face as they growand thus the issues we face as parents. Someone once said to me, God gives us the most important job in the world called parenting, and gives that job to inexperienced people. That is so true. But as you understand the inner life of your child, you will be much better equipped to meet the challenges and joys of being a good parent. I encourage you to pick up this book and start the journey of understanding today.
J IM D ALY , president of Focus on the Family
Shaunti and Lisa have boldly gone where no one has gone before: straight into the brain of a teenager! The insights they have found give us a unique peek into the hopes, fears, desires, and challenges facing the next generation. Savvy parents will read and respond to what they learn in this book, and their family will be better as a result.
D ENNIS R AINEY , president of FamilyLife
I will be buying this book by the case. As a youth minister, Im always trying to communicate to parents exactly what Shaunti and Lisa so eloquently and poignantly communicate in For Parents Only . Every parent of teens should read this brilliant book!
D ANNAH G RESH , author of And the Bride Wore White
Sandra and I love this book! With two teenage boys and a daughter who just started middle school, we soaked up Shaunti and Lisas insights and discoveries like sponges. This is not just another book on parenting. It is a fascinating look at the way your childs mind works. We plan to use For Parents Only as a curriculum in our home group.
A NDY S TANLEY , pastor of North Point Community Church
At times I felt like I was sitting at a school lunch table, listening in on how kids really feel about their parents and what they would like to tell them. Shaunti and Lisa do an exceptional job of researching the topic and then making very practical suggestions. This gets my five-star rating on the HomeWord.com website.
J IM B URNS , P H.D. , president of HomeWord and author of Confident Parenting
I am so grateful for the hours of compassionate listening, ton of credible research, and weight of brutal honesty represented within the pages of this book. As a mother of three teenagers, I am the first to admit that I need help! Thank you, Shaunti and Lisa, for coming alongside on this wild, woolly, and wonderful adventure.
L ISA W HELCHEL , best-selling author of Creative Correction, The Busy Moms Guide to Prayer , and Taking Care of the Me in Mommy
For Parents Only beautifully breaks down the communication code between parents and children. Shaunti and Lisa consistently support their findings with extensive research and rock-solid solutions. This book delivers, and we highly recommend it!
D R . G ARY and B ARB R OSBERG , Americas Family Coaches, authors of The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women , and cohosts of Dr. Gary and Barb RosbergYour Marriage Coaches
Shaunti Feldhahns latest series of books have helped her readers unlock some of the mysteries of family relationships. Now she and Lisa Rice have given us keys to understanding our teenagers by hearing directly from them about why they do what they do. We only wish that this book had been written when our kids were younger!
B OB and C HERYL R ECCORD , speakers and coauthors of Launching Your Kids for Life
F OR P ARENTS O NLY
P UBLISHED BY M ULTNOMAH B OOKS
12265 Oracle Boulevard, Suite 200
Colorado Springs, Colorado 80921
A division of Penguin Random House LLC .
Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version, copyright 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Copyright 2007 by Veritas Enterprises Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
M ULTNOMAH is a trademark of Multnomah Books and is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office. The colophon is a trademark of Multnomah Books.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Feldhahn, Shaunti Christine.
For parents only / Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice. 1st ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN9781590529324
Ebook ISBN9780307561718
1. ParentingReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Child rearingReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Rice, Lisa Ann. II. Title.
BV4529.F45 2007
248.845dc22
2007020265
rh_3.1_140173256_c0_r1
To our parents ,
Dick and Judy Reidinger and Glen and Lee Hultquist
It is said that the number one status symbol in America today is no longer a big house or car, but longevity in marriage. This book is dedicated to two great couples whose combined ninety-five years of marriage have created an invaluable foundation for this book .
Contents
1 Looking In on Growing Up
Taking a tour inside your kids head and heart
2 Rebel with a Cause
Why even good kids go crazy for freedom, and how to restore sanity
3 Who Are You?
Why your child suddenly treats you like an alienand acts like one too
4 The Good Thing About Being the Bad Guy
Why your child secretly hopes youll stand your ground
5 I Will Be Here for You
How to help teens feel secure in the ascent to adulthood, even when they lose their footing
6 Can You Hear Me Now?
Why your teen is convinced he cant talk to you, and how
to change his mind
7 Attitude Adjustment
What mood swings reveal about teens secret fears, and how you can boost their confidence
8 In Case You Ever Wonder
What your child most wants to tell you
O ne recent fall weekend, I (Shaunti) went tent camping with my family and some good friends. With four couples and eight children under the age of seven, there was lots of laughter, not much sleep, and plenty of great memories.
One memory in particular will be burned into my brain for the rest of my life. After joining some other campersa youth groupon a hayride, we all piled out of the wagon and began strolling back toward the camping area. One of the youth-group parents smiled at our small children. Oh, enjoy this time, while they look like this, she said. Then she turned and gestured at the group of tall, lanky teenagers now walking far ahead of us on the rolling country road. Because in the blink of an eye, theyre going to look like that.
As if on cue, our little ones began to break free from our hands and skip ahead, first walking, then running down the hill. The rays of the setting sun seemed to capture a portrait of the small admirers racing toward the supercool teenagers racing toward growing up. I couldnt stop the tears from leaping to my eyes.
Wherever You Are on the Road
As I write this book with my friend Lisa, whose kids are long and lanky and off doing their own thing most of the time, were both struck by the fleeting nature of childhood and sobered by our role in turning these dependent little people into healthy, independent adults.