Laura Elizabeth - Intoxidated

ISBN 978-1-09-835264-6

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Healing is a matter of time,

but it is sometimes also a matter of opportunity.

Hippocrates

Special thanks to

my sister and closest friends

for being there even when you didnt have to.

I love you.

Mom & Dad,

Thank you for supporting me through my unique case of curiosity.

I love you.

To all the men I was

romantically

involved with prior to writing this,

(including those not mentioned)

Thank you for sharing a part of your life and yourself with me.

Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable.

Be honest and transparent anyway.

Mother Teresa

My obsession with boys started before I even realized it; I had crushes on boys as early as preschool. I used to chase them on the playground until the bell rang, but seemed I was never able to catch the ones I liked. What could possibly be engrained in a young girls head that would condition her to physically run after boys at that age?

In middle and high school, I fell for the relationship concept instead of falling for the boy. Do you know what happens when you fall for something that doesnt catch you?

You crash.

This mindset followed me through my twenties before the universe finally put a stop to it. A resulting heartbreak is the crash and burn of emotion best remedied by ice cream, our closest friends, buckets of tears and in most cases, complete removal of the individual that is a source of that pain from our life. The wreckage is then either let go of or stored away in a compartment of our brains only to be brought out by the next person that coincidentally does something that triggers us of that traumatic time from the past

***

My generation, the millennials, exists in a dating world the human race has never experienced beforea virtual one. Millions of potential bachelors and bachelorettes are available at our fingertips; yet somehow we are growing more disconnected than any generation before us. How could we have so much opportunity, yet be headed in the opposite direction of finding what we actually want? Has the integration of technology in our dating lives doomed us all in the arena of love forever? Are millennials so spoiled and lazy that we dont know what its like to work for what we want? Lets define a few things so we can start on the same page.

For startersWhat is dating?

A date, according to Merriam-Websters Dictionary, is defined as a romantic social arrangement. Seems pretty straight forward, but one word can be broken down a bit further

What, exactly, is romantic?

The dictionary has some very interesting input here, which I think is why theres so much confusion as to what constitutes as a date in the first place. Romance is a noun described by emotion, love, and lack of basis in all things factual. Therefore by definition, romance and dating are literally both fairytale-esque things. They say romanticism is dead so does that mean that only the dead seek romanticism? Why do we waste our youth trying to locate our soulmate? We are led to believe this soulmate will complete us. Why do we believe we are not whole in the first place?

Regardless of how you interpret the word soulmate, how are we supposed to find that person? With traditional methods of dating nearing extinction, is embarking on dates with strangers from the internet all its cracked up to be? Does it even work? Talking to strangers is a great way for us to get out of our comfort zone, which also happens to be when we grow and learn the most about ourselves. For years I was trying to find the right person in all the wrong ways and I hope that by sharing the stories that follow I can help other lonely people understand how to navigate the world of love and dating. Making mistakes is the most effective way to learn anything but hearing stories about them is more efficient.

Generally, we decide within the first few minutes of meeting someone if we are attracted to them, and when we are, it is merely human nature to want to get closer; though we must be aware of the intentions behind our interactions. If we want someone enough, we start trying too hard to be someone we are notthe person we think they want.

We can be so nervous about being ourselves that we arent! At no rate will we connect with anyone were attracted to if this is how our interactions go. How does an initial attraction result in a loving relationship? Is there a formula or equation for finding love?

What if we all really just want the same thing?

It is when we expect reciprocation that we are disappointed.

Even if we dont get along with our parents or siblings or significant other all the time, most of us still choose to love them because love is bigger than that. We are led to believe through movies and television and stories that love should be romantic (remember, by definition this is an imaginary concept) and well have a happily ever after once we fall in love with our soulmate. And maybe we do, Im not sure. Im still before the after, whatever that means.

Heres another fun oneWhat does it mean to fall in love, and why would anyone even want to? Falling in general usually hurts. I certainly collected my fair share of scrapes and bruises throughout the years due to my behavior. The men who tripped me up taught me critical life lessons of human tendencies, the way we love and connect with each other, and plenty of other stuff completely unrelated to the topics of this book (such as how to shotgun a beer or throw a football).

Emotions make it difficult for us to understand and see love clearly when we are young. We use the word love in a couple different ways. Those who do not understand the concept often use them interchangeably. Love is easy to explain but Im not going to outline it for you in the introduction.

First, I have to un-brainwash you.

We devalue the word love by using it for things

Pizza. Chocolate. Wine. Coffee. Shopping. Travel

We dont actually love this stuff, we just like them a lot; maybe too much in some circumstances. We enjoy them because they make us feel good. The utter pleasure these things bring to us creates a unique emotional experience where gratification (a feeling of pleasure or satisfaction) that we equate to happiness (a state of being). This nostalgic, positive feeling we remember is why we continuously find ourselves consuming these things.

Imagine how much that nostalgic feeling comes into play during the dating process

When a person hugs or kisses us, we then have a physical feeling to associate with them (in addition to the emotional one) which may be good, bad or even something in between. When we see them again or even think about them, that feeling may resurface to our consciousness and until we understand why we feel it and until we know what it means, we will misinterpret our own feelings.

In todays society we are led to believe everybody loves sexand I wont lie to you, it can be pretty freaking amazing. Most people want it for the pleasure and connection, some of us even believe we need it, yet, few are getting it regularly, if at all. Once you understand it, it is extraordinarily easy to get (though it may or may not be through means that are ethical and moral).

Many have tried to figure out what the perfect amount of sex is by observing others and collecting data on them instead of getting out there and figuring it out for themselves. Weve all seen the statistics in books and articles, but they are trying to measure something that is simply immeasurable. Such results prove nothing other than what is currently normal, which is clearly not serving us as a species. Is following the crowd the best option? The primary reason we settle for normalcy is to avoid the judgement for being different. When we believe we are normal, we believe we fit in. How unfortunate is it that normal is what so many of us strive for?