Marie Hartwell-Walker - Unlocking the Secrets of Self-Esteem: A Guide to Building Confidence and Connection One Step at a Time

Over my twenty-year career, one of the questions Ive been asked most frequently is, How can I get more self-esteem? People have a general understanding that more self-esteem is good and that poor self-esteem leads to all sorts of additional problems in a persons life.

Its never been an easy question to answer. Ive always had a difficult time explaining how exactly one goes about obtaining good self-esteem, and I certainly couldnt lay out a set of easy steps one could take to get there. Its not as if theres a self-esteem store one can just visit and make a purchase.

The problem for me was twofold. First, like many people, I underestimated what self-esteem is truly all about. I didnt fully grasp how complex this simple idea actually is. Second, I didnt understand how I came to have good self-esteem in the first place.

The foundation of my self-esteem was laid for me in early childhood through a combination of a hearty work ethic and the view that one could always improve ones circumstances in life. My parents served as good role models, having uprooted their lives to move from a backwoods Pennsylvania coal town to a developing, suburban college town that granted us more opportunities.

When they made the decision to move far away from all of their family and friends, they didnt know if theyd make it in the end. The move took courage and optimism on their part. They just believed that they could, if they only worked hard and did good work in raising their family.

And thats the difference between what most people think of as self-esteem and what this book is all about: genuine self-esteem.

Genuine self-esteem comes not only from feeling good about yourself but also from what you actually do. Actions help define usmore than most people realize. We all have to make difficult decisions in life with no guarantee of a positive outcome. But people with genuine self-esteem try to make decisions that are ethical, moral, and ultimately good. Such everyday decisions and behaviors shape the very way we think about othersand ourselves.

These insights come not from me but rather from Marie Hartwell-Walker, whom Ive known most of my professional career. Shes been an amazing contributor to Psych Central over the years in many different capacities. What Ive often been struck by is her thoughtful analysis of a problem. Far more than anyone else Ive known, she can break something down into meaningful pieces and then put them back together in a way that is newly helpful.

We are awash in self-help books and apps that promise to help us change practically anything about our lives: make us happier, help us break bad habits, motivate us to do the things we dont want to do. Too many of these books are based upon one persons experiences and illustrative anecdotes. Too many apps are created by developers who majored in psychology in college and believe that provides them all they need to know about the complexities of human behavior and behavior change. Too few of them are grounded in the tenets of psychological science and research.

This book is grounded in that science, and also filled with the kinds of stories that make for a compelling and interesting journey.

Despite my own solid self-esteem foundation, I learned more about self-esteem from this book than from any of my graduate school classes. And I learned that even a person with the poorest self-esteem will benefit from reading and participating in the exercises in this book. It is full of the kind of knowledge and wisdom that only a seasoned clinician like the author could provide.

Most importantly, I learned that the tools for enhancing and maintaining ones self-esteem are available to everyone, right now. All you need to do is make the decision to change, and stick to that decision every day from now on. I know it wont always be easy, but I trust that this book will be an invaluable guide to increasing your genuine self-esteem. Good luck in your journey!

John M. Grohol, PsyD

Founder and CEO, PsychCentral.com

Newburyport, Massachusetts