Patrick King - Massive Charisma: Likability, Charm, Presence, and Success With People

By Patrick King

Social Interaction and Conversation Coach at www.PatrickKingConsulting.com

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Theres something about them. People with charisma are just so appealing. Theyre charming, theyre likable and they somehow make everyone gravitate towards them. Is it magic? Is it just a chemistry thing?

If youve ever wanted to be that person in the room with the most magnetic, captivating aura, then this book is for you. When were in the presence of charismatic people, it can be hard to say precisely why were so bewitched. Charisma can start to seem like something that youre just born with or not.

But thankfully, this kind of allure is not some mysterious power that only a few possess. Its 100% a social skill that you can practice, even if you dont quite see yourself that way now. Charisma is really a collection of different behaviors and attitudes that radiate a certain very attractive mindset to others. Well divide our charisma crash course into two main parts in the chapters that follow. First, youll learn how to develop your own unique brand of charm within yourself. Then, in part 2, youll learn to carry that aura out into the world and broadcast it to those you interact with.

With charisma, youre more empathetic, more engaging, and a much, much better conversationalist. Youre interesting and interested. And because youre witty and emotionally intelligent, people like you and trust you. Its hard to imagine an area of life that isnt improved with a little charisma dating, work, friendships. Even chatting to strangers at a bus stop becomes an opportunity for winning people over with enchanting banter!

Before we dive in, though, lets dispel one misconception: being charismatic is NOT about being loud, extroverted or cocky. In fact, by the end of this book, the hope is that youll see there are many ways to be charming, whether thats being flashy and larger than life, or quietly confident and a little mysterious.

Conveniently for us, in 2018, researchers at the University of Toronto studied the phenomena of charisma and developed a working definition. After studying over 1000 people, the team concluded that charisma was a mix of two things:

1. Affability
2. Influence

Affability broadly means that people are pleasant to be around and easily approachable. However you define it warmth, pleasantness, friendliness this is the quality that makes you think, hm, I like this person!

Influence is defined as leadership potential, presence and the ability to influence and persuade people. Not only did the team discover that it was actually possible to measure these two traits, but also that people were fairly accurate at rating themselves i.e. when self-ratings were compared to ratings by others, they were more or less the same. They created the General Charisma Inventory (GCI), which you can basically complete yourself right now:

Read the following statements and give yourself a rating from 1 to 5, with 1 for strongly disagree and 5 for strongly agree. The first three are about influence, while the latter three are about affability.

I am someone who

• Has a presence in a room
• Has the ability to influence people
• Knows how to lead a group
• Makes people feel comfortable
• Smiles at people often
• Can get along with anyone

To score, simply add up the ratings for each, and take that value and divide it by 6. If you scored over 3.7, you can consider your charisma above average. Scored significantly lower than that? Dont worry! Its not as hard as you might think to work on these 6 criteria and boost your charm. Did you score low in influence, affability or both? Interestingly, how charismatic you are has nothing to do with your personality type or overall intelligence (it may have something to do with whether youre male or female, though more on that later).

So, lets summarize: charisma is characterized by the ability to charm, persuade and attract others, and it contains two broad traits, affability and the power to influence. These two broad traits can be broken down into 6 smaller characteristics, such as presence and good rapport with others. Lets take a closer look at the basic dos and donts of charisma.

Being more influential

Think of a person you consider influential. What are they like? Maybe you picture someone like Oprah Winfrey, who built a veritable empire for herself, and influenced millions of people worldwide. Or maybe you picture Mahatma Gandhi, whose non-violent resistance created an aura of decisiveness so powerful it influenced nations. Whoever you think of when you hear influential, that person is probably one thing: confident.

Influential people believe in themselves and communicate the things theyre passionate about, so much so that other people feel passionate and confident about those things, too! Think of the most famous political speeches in history and how their speakers could transmit their energy and enthusiasm to the crowd. Its not ever about arrogance or narcissism, though. Instead, its about that persons presence.

Picture someone walking into a room, head held high, smile on their face, body language open. They greet everyone in the room confidently, and when they speak, their voice is sure, crisp and clear. Immediately, they seem to take up a certain amount of space in the room. Compare this to someone who slinks in shyly, shoulders slumped, expression of apprehension all over their face. Without making eye contact, they greet one person and then shuffle off to a corner somewhere, speaking quietly, if at all. Its obvious: this person simply takes up less room.

However, taking up more space is not just about being literally larger than life. People try to cheat with this and wear outrageous, attention-grabbing clothing or speak too loudly this will catch peoples attention for a second, but is unlikely to hold it if there is no genuine confidence and gravity in your presence beyond the costume!

DO THIS: Before you walk into a room or start a conversation, literally stand tall and stretch your arms high over your head. Take deep breaths. Imagine a light at the center of your chest. This light is who you are, the best of you, and what you have to offer the world. Imagine proudly and courageously shining this light out when you move around the world, with open body language and a smile.

One way to immediately get into this open, optimistic posture is to imagine that the people youre about to encounter are already your friends, and that you will be received warmly. Imagine that youre meeting old, much-loved friends who are dying to see you. Carry that unguarded expectation and optimism into any new interaction.

DONT DO THIS: If you have a core belief that certain people or situations are threatening, then this attitude will manifest in your expression, your posture and your voice. You will transmit an attitude (no matter how subtle or unconscious) or fearfulness, reluctance or hostility and that will immediately destroy any chance of charisma. So, whatever you do,