Kathlyn Gay - Divorce. The Ultimate Teen Guide

It Happened to Me

Series Editor: Arlene Hirschfelder

Books in the It Happened to Me series are designed for inquisitive teens digging for answers about certain illnesses, social issues, or lifestyle interests. Whether you are deep into your teen years or just entering them, these books are gold mines of up-to-date information, riveting teen views, and great visuals to help you figure out stuff. Besides special boxes highlighting singular facts, each book is enhanced with the latest reading lists, websites, and an index. Perfect for browsing, there are loads of expert information by acclaimed writers to help parents, guardians, and librarians understand teen illness, tough situations, and lifestyle choices.

1. Epilepsy: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay and Sean McGarrahan, 2002.
2. Stress Relief: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Mark Powell, 2002.
3. Learning Disabilities: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Penny Hutchins Paquette and Cheryl Gerson Tuttle, 2003.
4. Making Sexual Decisions: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by L. Kris Gowen, 2003.
5. Asthma: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Penny Hutchins Paquette, 2003.
6. Cultural DiversityConflicts and Challenges: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2003.
7. Diabetes: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Katherine J. Moran, 2004.
8. When Will I Stop Hurting? Teens, Loss, and Grief: The Ultimate Teen Guide to Dealing with Grief, by Ed Myers, 2004.
9. Volunteering: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2004.
10. Organ TransplantsA Survival Guide for the Entire Family: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Tina P. Schwartz, 2005.
11. Medications: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Cheryl Gerson Tuttle, 2005.
12. Image and IdentityBecoming the Person You Are: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by L. Kris Gowen and Molly C. McKenna, 2005.
13. Apprenticeship: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Penny Hutchins Paquette, 2005.
14. Cystic Fibrosis: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Melanie Ann Apel, 2006.
15. Religion and Spirituality in America: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2006.
16. Gender Identity: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Cynthia L. Winfield, 2007.
17. Physical Disabilities: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Denise Thornton, 2007.
18. MoneyGetting It, Using It, and Avoiding the Traps: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Robin F. Brancato, 2007.
19. Self-Advocacy: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Cheryl Gerson Tuttle and JoAnn Augeri Silva, 2007.
20. Adopted: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Suzanne Buckingham Slade, 2007.
21. The Military and Teens: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2008.
22. Animals and Teens: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Gail Green, 2009.
23. Reaching Your Goals: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Anne Courtright, 2009.
24. Juvenile Arthritis: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kelly Rouba, 2009.
25. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Natalie Rompella, 2009.
26. Body Image and Appearance: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2009.
27. Writing and Publishing: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Tina P. Schwartz, 2010.
28. Food Choices: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Robin F. Brancato, 2010.
29. Immigration: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Tatyana Kleyn, 2011.
30. Living with Cancer : The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Denise Thornton, 2011.
31. Living Green: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2012.
32. Social Networking: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Jenna Obee, 2012.
33. Sports: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Gail Fay, 2013.
34. Adopted: The Ultimate Teen Guide, Revised Edition, by Suzanne Buckingham Slade, 2013.
35. Bigotry and Intolerance: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Kathlyn Gay, 2013.
36. Substance Abuse: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Sheri Bestor, 2013.
37. LGBTQ Families: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Eva Apelqvist, 2013.
38. Bullying: The Ultimate Teen Guide, by Mathangi Subramanian, 2014.
39. Eating Disorders: The Ultimate Teen Guide , by Jessica R. Greene, 2014.
40. Speech and Language Challenges: The Ultimate Teen Guide , by Marlene Targ Brill, 2014.
41. Divorce: The Ultimate Teen Guide , by Kathlyn Gay, 2014.

Divorce

The Ultimate Teen Guide

Kathlyn Gay

It Happened to Me, No. 41

ROWMAN & LITTLEFIELD

Lanham Boulder New York Toronto Plymouth, UK

Published by Rowman & Littlefield

4501 Forbes Boulevard, Suite 200, Lanham, Maryland 20706

www.rowman.com

10 Thornbury Road, Plymouth PL6 7PP, United Kingdom

Copyright 2014 by Rowman & Littlefield

All rights reserved . No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote passages in a review.

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Information Available

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Gay, Kathlyn.

Divorce : the ultimate teen guide / Kathlyn Gay.

pages cm. (It happened to me ; No. 41)

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 978-0-8108-9238-5 (cloth : alk. paper) ISBN 978-0-8108-9239-2 (ebook) 1. Children of divorced parentsPsychologyJuvenile literature. 2. DivorceJuvenile literature. 3. Divorced parentsJuvenile literature. 4. StepfamiliesJuvenile literature. I. Title.

HQ777.5.G39 2014

306.89dc232014007662

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials, ANSI/NISO Z39.48-1992. Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Dealing with Parental Separation and Divorce

I had just come home from the last day of school in my 10th grade. I checked the answering machine for new messages and I found what I had least expecteda message from my mothers divorce lawyer. Even though all the warning signs had been there, I was still surprised.... I thought my family was completely normal. One of my friends had even commented that my family was perfect. It turns out, not so much.Creigh, writing for the website Divorce and Teens

L ike Creigh, many young people are completely surprised when it happensthey probably thought it would never happen to them. Still others expect it. It is parental divorce. As Ryan from the Chicago suburbs noted in 2011 when he was sixteen,

[In] November... my father announced he and my mom are splitting up and getting a divorce. I foresaw this years ago when I was in 8th grade, but ever since then it just sat in the back of my mind and would only manifest whenever they argued. Arguments escalated; verbally not physically, dad came home from work later, mom stuck to doing the laundry and complaining. Everyone in the house was sucked into an unhappy routine, my sister and twin brother also just seem to get used to the fights and the awkward living conditions. It was like we were all waiting for one of them to make a serious move, and one day it happened.

A twenty-one-year-old male from the Philippines now living in California was taken aback to learn about his parents breakup. He explained that his mom moved to the United States in 2003 and his father stayed in the Philippines. The first time his mom went back home was around 2010. He said,

I never saw it [the divorce] coming, they only told me on my eighteenth birthday. Their divorce was the year before they told me. I tried to not think about it. It is as if they decided to get a divorce over the phone or through email. My mom was the one who sat me down and told me. I was shocked. First, I was surprised and a little upset and all I was thinking of was my younger sister; she was ten at the time.

When divorce happens, an entire family is affected. In some cases, the breakup of a family can be one of the most devastating life experiences for all involved. Katie, a Michigan teenager, responded to a poem about divorce on FamilyFriend Poems.com . She wrote,