Kim Saeed - How to Do No Contact Like a Boss!

The Womans Guide to Implementing No Contact andDetaching from Toxic Relationships.

Kim Saeed

Copyright 2015 Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach

All rights reserved. No part of thispublication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in anyform or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or otherelectronic or mechanical methods, without the prior writtenpermission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotationsembodied in book reviews and certain other noncommercial usespermitted by copyright law.

www.letmereach.com

www.facebook.com/LetMeReachwithKimberlySaeed

www.pinterest.com/kimsaeed/

Disclaimer:

This book is not intended to provide, and does notconstitute, medical or legal advice. The content provided isdesigned to support, not replace, medical or psychiatric treatment.If you believe you may have a mental health condition, please seekqualified professional care.

To my sons Michael, Andrew, and Adam for helping medevelop the discernment to leave my own toxic relationship

To Mom and Winky, for plying me with caffeine andquiet moments of reflection. Thank you for sticking with me throughit all.

To Mark, for insightful editing and last-minute,late-night read-throughs; but more importantly, for sharing thebeauty of philia and eros, which are no longer elusive concepts forme.

To Alma, who encouraged me during all phases of thewriting process, starting with when this eBook was just anidea.

To my readers, followers, and clients - without you,I wouldnt be here now, writing these words. It gets better, Ipromise.

When people show you who they reallyare, believe them the first time.

~Maya Angelou

Table of Contents

The person you thought was your lover, soulmate, and partner has violated you in ways you never imagined. Theyhave degraded, mocked, and exploited you; theyve driven your soulto the lowest depths of anguish and then humiliated you while youwere down. They never treated or regarded you as an individual,much less cared about any of your hopes, dreams, orpreferences.

If the above paragraph describes yourrelationship, then theres a good chance that youve been thetarget of an emotional abuser. This relationship dynamic is typicalof Narcissists, Psychopaths, Sociopaths, Pathological Liars, andother disordered personality types that have been categorized asCluster-B personalities in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manualof Mental Disorders (or DSM, the standard reference book usedby people working in the mental health field). But however we labelthem, disordered individuals of these types are toxic people whoabuse and exploit the unfortunate individuals who enter intorelationships with them. Throughout this eBook, for the sake ofsimplicity, I will use the term Narcissist to refer to a personwho possesses any of these pathological personality types.

You may not know exactly which category ofpathology your abusive partner falls into (and, in reality, thecategories are overlapping and without clear-cut boundaries), butyouve acknowledged the deep dysfunction in your relationship andyouve recognized the need to leave it behind in order to save yoursanity, and possibly even your life. However, despite all the painand suffering that youve been subjected to, walking away from atoxic relationship that youre enmeshed in is often not so easy.This is where No Contact comes into play, since No Contact is astrategy of action that will enable you to detach from your abusivepartner and reclaim your own life.

The main purpose of this book is to explainwhy you feel utterly devastated by your dysfunctional relationship;why leaving it is nonetheless so hard; what the No Contact strategyis and why its important to employ; and finally, what you canexpect to happen when you implement this strategy for escaping froma toxic relationship. I felt the need to write a book on No Contactbecause there are hundreds of thousands of people who are beingemotionally (and physically) abused in their most intimaterelationships, but who, no matter how they try, either cant let goof magical thinking that keeps them trapped in the relationship orcant break free from their persistent, disordered partner whostalks and harasses them around the clock.

As you read this eBook, youll need toreflect on and reconsider everything you believe about love, mutualrespect, and about the expectations that romantic partners bring totheir relationships. Most importantly, youll need to understandthat there are people around us who do not share the sentiments andideals that most of us bring to our intimate relationships, andthat your partner could well be one of them. But in the process ofreading this book, as you learn more about why your partner behavesthe way they do, youll also learn more about yourself. At theleast, youll begin to understand why you stayed in a toxicrelationship and why you shouldnt feel guilty when therelationship fails, as relationships inevitably do with emotionallyabusive types of people.

Going No Contact and beginning the journeyof recovering yourself and your life is a process of awakening.Its making the conscious choice to stop ignoring or denying thevulnerabilities that you acquired earlier in your life (includingpsychological wounds and scars from childhood) and that led you tostay in a toxic relationship. Instead, youll learn to face thesevulnerabilities head on.

The process of reclaiming your life after atoxic relationship entails going places you may never have gonebefore, possibly even through years of therapy and readingself-help books. These latter activities, while informative andoften helpful, can also be used in ways that merely suppress thedeep pain in your life and distract you from the task ofconfronting and overcoming it. For example, in therapy, feelingsmay be expressed, but not really worked through. And whileexpressing our troubling feelings in this way may provide someshort-term relief, our deep feelings of inadequacy and unworthinesswill often return, keeping us from pursuing the sort of lives andrelationships that we deserve. As a result, we end up settling intoa numb acceptance of our abusive circumstances, deceiving ourselveswith the ideas that no relationship is perfect, so its best totake the good with the bad, let love conquer all, and forgiveothers as wed have them forgive us.

Ironically, these ways of thinking are whatkeep us enmeshed with toxic personality types - often leading tothe same person, different face phenomenon if weve somehowmanaged to get ourselves out of an earlier situation of the samesort. The only way to stop this cycle of dysfunctionalrelationships is to turn our focus inward - to figure out what itis about ourselves that causes us to end up in these kindsof relationships and why its so difficult for us to leavethem.

This book is designed to help you understandmore about your personality and how your personality traits maylead you to adopt common misconceptions about what love andcompromise entail within relationships; to help you determine ifyour partner is really hopelessly abusive; to help you see how yourpsychological vulnerabilities, including wounds that have persistedsince childhood, have caused you to stay in an intolerablesituation; and finally, to help you understand that a relationshipwith a Narcissist invariably dooms you to a life of misery, since,at a fundamental level, a pathological partner of this sort doesnteven think about human relations in the way that you and I do (anidea which is often very hard for victims of Narcissistic abuse toaccept).

Most importantly, this book is designed tohelp victims of Narcissistic abuse recognize that there reallyis something deeply wrong with their relationships, and that- no - your partner cannot change. He (or she, as Narcissists areof both sexes) cannot change because, due to the pathologicalmanner of thinking thats deeply engrained in him, he will neverfeel remorse for his abusive behavior and he will never come to apoint where he gets it. For that reason, despite what you maythink, he