Thaddeus Spae - Controlling Premature Ejaculation

On a long train ride through Russia, a man discovered that his watch had stopped working. On a layover in a small town, he got off to find a repairman. Walking through the commercial section, the man noticed a storefront window full of clocks and watches of every size and description. Sure that he had found the town's watchmaker, he hurried in, pulled out his ailing timepiece and laid it on the counter. "Can you fix this watch?" he asked.

Without even glancing at the watch, the man behind the counter replied, "No."

"Are you sure? Couldn't you at least give it a look?"

"No, I absolutely cannot fix your watch."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I'm not a watch repairman."

"You're not? What are you, then?"

"I'm the town mohel . I do the circumcisions of the Jewish baby boys."

The traveler was dumbfounded. "But, but...if you're the town mohel, why do you have all those clocks in your window? "

"So what would you put in the window?"

To my late spouse Sandahbeth, the "wife" referred to throughout this book, who was instrumental in its creation,

and to my current spouse Ada-Reva, who inspires me to continue to make use of it.

I spent half my adult life trying to control my dick.

It's not an uncommon problema lot of guys have it. Coming too soon can end up spoiling the most beautiful friendships. Or, as Lois Lane said to Superman, "Sometimes I wish you weren't always faster than a speeding bullet."

There are a lot of definitions of premature ejaculation, some based on time, some on how often you satisfy your partner. Mine was very simple: I came too soon when I came before I wanted to. My whole quest was for agreement between my desires and my physical responses.

My first sexual experiences as a teenager were with Rosie Fivefingers and the Palm sistersmasturbation. Jerking off taught me to come fastmostly out of fear of getting caught. When I got older and started making it with real live women, I discovered that they wanted to do it for a long time, by my standards at least, and that I came much too quickly to suit them, or me. A few times of this and a humiliating self-fulfilling prophecy was born. I was soon frantic for a method to increase my staying power.

I tried a lot of things. Masturbating beforehand sometimes helped, but then sometimes I couldn't get it up at all. Desensitizing creams were as apt to desensitize her as me. The Traditional Wisdom of thinking of baseball scores (in my case it was Pi to 100 decimalsI hate baseball!) often made me lose my place in the matter altogether. It was clear that I needed a whole different approach to getting a handle on my handle.

It was Masters and Johnson, those venerable objects of fun in the 60's, who first gave me a clue to the right direction. In their book Human Sexual Response they talked about premature ejaculation like it was just a pesky bad habit instead of a deformity to be covered up. The "pinch" method they described didn't work for me either, thoughpartly for lack of a skilled partner at the right time and partially because I was a special case, about which more later. Still, they gave me hope that the quickie-spurts could be treated, maybe even cured. Hope!

I started reading up on the subject. Most of the books I found were about sexual calisthenics for couples, but a few did talk about my Secret Shame, mostly to offer baseball stats again or to advise me to just relax, sort of like the shrink telling his patient, "Schtop voorying zo mutch, iss all een yoor head!" Thanks a bunch, Doc...

The best of the batch was The Total Orgasm , by Dr. Jack Rosenberg. It offered strenuous and complicated exercises that almost brought my problem under control, until I slacked off, at which time it spurted right back out again. But I did get more in touch with my body, and my hope was unabated.

By this time I was a married man, mostly on the strength of my winsome personality and my oral technique. When things got bad, I was afraid my wife would murder me in my sleep.

I found an article in a hot little magazine on the unlikely topic of multiple orgasms for men, complete with an exercise program. Fine, I figured, if I couldn't keep from having one, maybe I could have twelve instead. I tried the exercises. They worked! Not only that, they helped my problem! Talk about having your cake and eating it too. Finally, some results!

My reward for my labors was hearing my sweetie actually beg me to stop.

Ah, but pride goeth before a squirt, so sayeth the Sad Prophet. My infirmity had the tenacity of a bad penny or a leaky faucet, popping up (or more correctly, off) at the weirdest times, right when I thought I had it on the run.

But! But! Now I knew I could control it!

And, after more research both scholarly and fleshly, I developed an entire arsenal of techniques. If one didn't work, another was always at hand. My quick draw refused to ride off into the sunset, but at least I had it under control.

I've given considerable thought (and a lot of field-testing) to this subject, trying to shape the methods I use into something that at least can be described in words. This book is the result. I've tried to use as little jargon, philosophy, mysticism, sweaty mumblings or inside jokes as possible, within reason. My reason. In particular I've avoided the notion that premature ejaculation is a psychological problem. Sex is a physical activity, and so are these techniques, with a very few exceptions.

The book is divided into two sections. The first, Exercises , describes stuff that I did by myself in private (even public) to train my responses in specific ways. The second, Techniques , discusses what those exercises led to when I used them while making love.

The exercises presented here are ones I picked up or developed that worked. I wasn't chary about taking them out of context if it helped. Exercises served two purposes: they adjusted various tensions and weaknesses in my body, improving my sexual ability, and they also gave me new skills and strengths different from the ones I had before. Once I found exercises that worked, I took them into the field, evolving them into techniques.

That's right, beating off. I spent a lot of time training my responses with the aid of this time-tested, highly practical method.

Most of the books I read started out with the premise that control of premature ejaculation involves awareness of your sexual arousal. The key concept here is:

There is a point in arousal where coming becomes inevitable. Stopping stimulation after this point doesn't stop ejaculation, it just makes it a little weird. To keep from coming prematurely, it is necessary to alter the pattern of arousal before this point.

Using masturbation, I learned this point in my own cycle and learned it well. Then I used that knowledge to test various methods of forestalling orgasm.