H.G. Tudor - Beautiful and Barbaric

Beautiful and Barbaric

By

H G Tudor

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2016

Beautiful and Barbaric

By

H G Tudor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Published by Insight Books

Introduction

My kind and me are beautiful. We look beautiful, we say beautiful words to you and we do such beautiful things. Our expressions are attractive, the words we write so seductive and we surround ourselves with only that which we find pleasing. Beautiful people, beautiful objects and all in beautiful places. We have an obsession with beauty and its many forms because you are susceptible to this beauty. You are humble and modest so that when this angel takes an interest in you, you find that you are swept away to be graced by something so enchantingly attractive as one of us. How marvellous it is to have this golden prince take an interest in little old me. We speak with our honey-covered tongue with words that are soft and handsome. We touch you with smooth and sensual fingers which make you feel fantastic. You see such beauty in everything we do and in this early stage we are truly beautiful. This is what you want to see and this is what we give you. You do not want the harsh or the raw. You have no interest in something which is not pleasing on the eye or ear. You want to be surrounded by beauty and why not? We always give you what you want. At least in the beginning.

Of course we are creatures that sugar coat the malice that lurks. The hatred and bile that must always be exacted on you. This contrast between beauty and the beast is savage, it is disorientating and its effect on you is damning. This is all a matter of design which is done to ensure you provide us with our lifeblood ; fuel. You will repeatedly question yourself about how could someone so wonderful, so caring and so loving behave in such a hurtful and horrible manner? How can it be that someone who arrived like an angel turned into a demon months down the live? You are always confused by this change and yet it always happens. It has to happen.

In this book you will see how the beautiful sits with the barbaric and you will learn why this happens and why this happens to you. A variety of subjects are covered and as ever they are delivered in my open and direct manner. I know what I am. I am a narcissist and through my engagement with others I have come to recognise my modus operandi and the machinations that I unleash on others. This is your opportunity to delve into my world and although you will not find it comfortable you will learn far more from reading about my contrasting behaviours than any scientific journal. This is a chance to understand how and why the narcissist acts in such a contrasting manner through the many instances of how I act and behave. You can gaze on the beautiful and the barbaric and gain insight into the world of the narcissist.

Killing With Kindness

I do so enjoy being kind. I want to shower you with acts of generosity, concern and kindness when I first meet you. You are so special and only I can really see that that is the case. Other people have tried to crush the warmth and love inside you, trampling on you like some rare and delicate flower. Not me. I want to pick you and place you inside a jar, shielded from the toxicity of the world. I can nourish you, water you and let you enjoy the warmth from the light than shines from me. I can sense that you have been let down and hurt before. You do not deserve that. Someone as wonderful as you, someone as delicate and giving as you deserves far better. You can rest now though. The search is over. You have found me. I will take care of you now. Nothing will ever trouble you again. I will do so much for you and why not? I am blessed to have found you, but do you know what? We deserve one another. I have been looking for someone like you all my life, someone who I can dedicate myself to. A person I can protect, love and make happy. That is all I have ever wanted. I know I am surrounded by these trappings of success, that I am in demand from many people who want to be involved with me and share my radiance. It is flattering and humbling at the same time. I am not interested in any of that however. I just want to share my life with someone who I can cherish and worship. Now I can.

I know you have walked a hard and winding road. Those scuffed boots you wear, with holes and the sole hanging off bear testament to that. Not once have you complained of course. That is not your way. You need not take another step though because I will carry you. I will lift you up and with one firm foot planted in front of the other I will carry you away and onwards towards our joint destination. It is a wonderful place. I will whisper in your ear as I carry you and tell you all about how I have made this beautiful paradise. I have created it just for you and I. It is our sanctuary where nobody can find us and nobody can harm us. Sounds idyllic doesn't it?

I want to soothe your fevered brow, I want to hold your hand when you are frightened and I want to see you smile because of me. I want to be the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you fall asleep. I want to love you, care for you, hold you and protect you. I will fetch and carry for you, I will crawl over broken glass just to hand you a cup of water to quench your thirst. I want you to feel bombarded by my innate kindness, swamped by my good nature and overwhelmed by my fair intentions. I want to deliver to you every minute of every day my warmth and kindness so that it becomes all you know. I want you to become dependent on my charity, my largesse and my generosity. I want you to become hopelessly addicted to my love, my desire and my presence. I want to see myself in your eyes and nothing else. I want to hear my words spoken by your tongue. I want you to mimic everything that I do so that when I point, you point and when I nod, you nod. I want my campaign of kindness to obliterate every semblance of what you once were. I want to destroy what once existed and replace it with my design and my desires. I want to murder who you were and resurrect my creation in your place. I want to kill you with kindness.

Never Let Go

I was engaged in a discussion recently with Dr E. The conversation concerned relationships.

"So, when you end a relationship, tell me how you feel about it?" he began as he unfolded his notebook and found a fresh page.

"I do not end my relationships," I replied.

"I see, so they are always ended by the other person are they?" he asked.

"No."

He waited to see if I was going to say anything else but I remained silent. Come on Dr E; let's see where you are going with this. You cannot outsmart me. He sat looking at me and me at him.

"Those answers suggest to me then that your relationships do not end."

Give Dr E enough time and he always gets there.

"Exactly," I answered.

"I see. We have discussed a number of relationships that you have and have had. With family members, acquaintances, friends and of course lovers. Now, from what you have explained to me I would certainly regard many of those relationships having come to an end, either by your doing or, though admittedly less often, at the hand of the other person."

"Your concept of a relationship evidently differs from mine."

"Please, expand on that point."

"My relationships begin when I determine that they should begin," I started to speak. Dr E frowned but said nothing. I could tell he wanted me to provide clarity to that assertion and I was happy to oblige.

"When I detect somebody who will prove of use to me then our relationship has already begun. It matters not whether we have spoken in person or even made any kind of contact. The decision that the relationship has begun rests with me."