H.G. Tudor - Evil

I am evil.

How am I evil? Do I murder people? Not in the strictest sense. Do I rob banks? No, but I do cause financial chaos. Do I invade countries? No, Ive not been elected to office. Yet. Although I must admit I have not yet ruled out that possibility.

All of those acts are deemed by society as evil acts. I dont commit any of them. I am far worse than the perpetrators of those atrocities.

Most murderers act in the heat of the moment. An alcohol-fuelled fight on a street that ends in one of the participants losing their life. A sobbing husband found still holding the kitchen knife, which he plunged into his now dead wife when he lost his temper. How many times has the perpetrator been heard to say?

I never meant to kill him.?

The armed robber does not intend to hurt any bank staff or security personnel. They want the money, which the greedy bank can easily afford. The robber is striking a blow for the common man. How many times have they been heard to say?

Dont worry, its not your money we want, to a cowering customer?

The invader of a country does so based on a noble principle. They believe they are right in what they are doing. It is being done for a higher purpose. How many times has the conqueror declared?

We have now liberated the good people of Dictatorland in the name of good.?

All of these acts, whilst regarded as wrong have their own mitigating explanation behind them. A temporary loss of control or a belief in a righteous purpose. It may not make it right in the eyes of some, but it does at least explain why it has happened and in turn lessen the impact.

That does not apply to me.

I act with a cold, single-minded purpose. I know exactly what I am doing (although I will of course claim to the contrary). I wreck lives. I cause fear, confusion and despair. I wreak financial havoc, emotional chaos and rip lives apart. I am a whirlwind that brings carnage everywhere I go. I am deadly, dangerous and destructive and I intend all of it.

What heightens my terrible impact is that I glide in and out of peoples lives like a ghost. I arrive unexpectedly but appear as an angel. I leave in an instant without a care or a shred of remorse. How am I able to move so easily in and out of an environment and do so undetected and unaccounted? It is simple. I am so difficult to identify (although not impossible) that it is always too late by the time a person realises what I am.

Who am I?

I am your boyfriend sat next to you now watching a romantic comedy with you. I am your boss at work who you are trying desperately to impress to secure that promotion. I am your brother who does not call you as often as you would like. I am your father who lives vicariously through your achievements. I am your husband for whom you cook, clean and care through a sense of ingrained but exhausted duty. I am of course the feminine equivalent of all of the above, although more often than not, I am male and I am a man.

What am I?

I am a narcissist.

I am a cold, calculating and unrepentant narcissist.

I am an evil narcissist.

I am unusual in that I know exactly what I am. Most of my kind does not recognise what they are and although it is hard for their victims to do so, one could take the view that they do not know any better as they do not know what they are. Their worldview is so skewed that they cannot help what they do.

I can.

I am that rare breed in that I am a narcissist who knows what he does. My intellectual brilliance is such that I know full well what I am and I enjoy being who I am. I wont change however.

So, why am I telling you all of this?

Well, the purpose of this book is to provide a warning and guidance to the millions of potential victims out there. It is a direct and full frontal warning with flashing red lights, blaring klaxons and waving red flags. Why would a narcissist do such a useful thing for society? I am told that I am doing this as part of my treatment. I have been instructed to tell you how I act and most of all what I say so you can identify my kind and me and take evasive action. I let them think that I am somehow committing an altruistic act. The reality is twofold.

Firstly, by doing this I finish my treatment sooner and then I can be on my way. Secondly and most importantly, I am doing this to herald my brilliance to the world. I want the world to know how outstandingly brilliant I am in my machinations and cruelty. I also want you all to know that I can never be stopped. I should imagine that such a declaration will incur the anger of many of you reading this. That is to be expected. I have been encouraged in my treatment to be honest. In point of fact, I usually engage in brutal honesty when I am doling out my savage treatment. I tell lies frequently too. I know that and am content to make that admission. This short book is designed to harness this desired honesty in order to inform others.

There are many texts about narcissists written by eminent psychologists who have treated the occasional narcissist, but more often have sought to minimise the damage to a shell-shocked victim. These texts are fascinating in their dissection of the narcissist. The causes of narcissism are debated (mummy didnt love me properly and she was a narcissist herself or that I suffered some other kind of childhood trauma). How I create a false self to try and make up for the apparent emptiness that I feel. There is talk of vulnerable narcissists, the coward hiding behind a veneer of confidence or the grandiose narcissist who is probably starring in a major movie production showing at your local cinema. These books analyse the cerebral narcissist and the somatic narcissist. They talk of narcissistic supply, narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage. They will detail how I have become the creature I am and why I act as I do. There will be mention of a need to fill up my empty self and the endless pursuit of securing narcissistic supply. All of this is very interesting and by all means do read those books. Some become unnecessarily bogged down in the technical terms and others spend an age hypothesising over the causes. This makes for a long read. I am not going to go into the detail of how I was created and the intricacies of why I act in a certain way. All of that, whilst psychologically fascinating does not help you deal with me. Plus, I intend to save all of that for another occasion. You need to know what I say and how I act. Yes, I will add in some explanation to help you grasp the oddity of what drives my behaviour but there will not be a detailed discourse. That is for other publications. This is a hard and fast guide to help you protect yourself.

To be blunt some of you are so blind to what is happening you need this warning in short, sharp sentences. You need to be bludgeoned over the head with the key phrases and actions. Otherwise you just wont get it.

You want the insect repellent spray and you want it to work. You dont necessarily need to know how it is so effective.

This book is direct and to the point. It is all very well acquiring knowledge about the causes and being familiar with the fancy words that are bandied about but what you need to know is what my kind and I will say. I deliberately choose the word say because we are all about the talk and not much about the walk. We prefer words to actions because as the saying goes, talk is cheap. Words are my weapons. So easy to issue and of course I rarely get around to backing them up through action. I usually dont have to because I am so skilled at what I say; I have you in the palm of my hand in a moment. Accordingly, the most important thing you need to know in order to identify me is what I will say.