Blank Eva - Jokelopedia: the biggest, best, silliest, dumbest, joke book ever

Complied by Ilana Weitzman, Eva Blank, Alison Benjamin, Rosanne Green, and Lisa Sparks Illustrations by Mike Wright WORKMAN PUBLISHING NEW YORK Thank-Yous We wanted this collection of jokes to be the biggest, best, dopiest, silliest, dumbest one on the planet. But that wouldnt have been possible without a lot of help from our friends. The first edition was collected by Ilana Weitzman, Eva Blank, and Rosanne Green, with help from Cy Strom, Michael Redhill, Greg Ioannou, Laura Siberry, Suzanne Brandreth, Vivien Leong, Jane Somerville, Jill Byrant, Sam McKay, Camilla Dietrich, and Jill Kopelman. I prepared the second edition with help from Beth Doty and Megan Nicolay at Workman, and Andrea Battiston and Greg Ioannou at Colborne Communications. Id like to particularly thank Barb Webb, who did a lot of the initial planning for how to make the book even funnier. Kids from all over North America sent in some of the coolest jokes in the book and wed like to thank them.

And extra-special thanks to all our joke guinea pigs who had to spend months listening to our worst groaners and stinkiest wisecracks. This third edition would not have been successful if not for my coworkers at Colborne Communications and Iguana Books, who not only helped with jokes but also listened, laughed, and groaned (more often than not) at my attempts to be funny. And thanks to all my friends and family members for keeping me in stitches with their jokes in the hopes of being put in the book! Lisa Sparks Copyright 2000 by Somerville House, 2006 by Key Porter and Workman Publishing, 2013, 2016 by Workman Publishing Co., Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproducedmechanically, electronically, or by any other means, including photocopyingwithout written permission of the publisher. Published simultaneously in Canada by Thomas Allen & Son Limited.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available. ISBN 9780761176848 Cover Design by Paul Gamarello Workman books are available at special discounts when purchased in bulk for premiums and sales promotions as well as for fund-raising or educational use. Special editions or book excerpts also can be created to specification. For details, contact the Special Sales Director at the address below, or send an email to . Workman Publishing Company, Inc. 225 Varick Street New York, NY 10014-4381 workman.com WORKMAN is a registered trademark of Workman Publishing Co., Inc.

So you want to be funny? Welcome to Jokelopedia. We see it as a big, thick reminder of the lighter side of life and hope you use it to make your friends and family groan and smilealthough not necessarily in that order. Do you know what a shaggy-dog joke is? Have you ever seen a chicken cross the road? Well, you will soon. Would you like to make your classmates laugh so hard at lunchtime that milk comes out of their noses? Do you feel like wowing them with humor history from the Three Stooges or The Simpsons? Do you want to tell the funniest jokes, learn how your favorite comedians made a living before comedy, how sitcoms came to be, and how to make people laugh, your way? If so, this is the book for you. With contributions from kids, tricky tongue twisters, long long jokes, short short jokes, and general crazy ideas and tips, this just might be the funniest book ever. No joke. Contents TALL TAILS Animals with Attitude Did you hear the one about the lion who ate clowns?Youll roar.What do you call a cat who eats a lemon?A sourpuss. Why shouldnt you shortchange a skunk? Its bound to make a stink.What did the judge say when the skunk came in to testify?Odor in the court! There were these two buddies out walking their dogs, one with a Doberman pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua, when they smelled something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.

The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, Lets go over to that restaurant and get something to eat. The guy with the Chihuahua says, We cant go in there. Weve got dogs with us. The buddy with the Doberman says, Just follow my lead. He puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks into the restaurant, when the restaurant owner comes up and says, Sorry, pal, no pets allowed. The man with the Doberman replies, You dont understand.

This is my Seeing Eye dog. The owner, skeptical, says, A Doberman pinscher? The Dobermans master says, Yes, theyre using them nowtheyre very good and they protect me from robbers, too. The owner says, Come on in. When the man with the Chihuahua sees this, he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. Once again the restaurant owner says, Sorry, pal, no pets allowed. The guy with the Chihuahua says, You dont understand.

This is my Seeing Eye dog. A Chihuahua? says the owner. The man with the dog replies, A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?! What do you call an overweight cat? A flabby tabby.Why was the rabbit so unhappy?She was having a bad hare day.How do you catch a squirrel?Climb a tree and act like a nut. THE MAKING OF A COMEDIAN Step 1: What Is a Joke Made Of? What makes a joke a joke? What is the difference between the biggest, best, silliest, dumbest, dopiest joke ever and one that falls totally flat? First is the setup. Launch right into the joke. Make sure you know the whole thing backward and forwardtheres nothing quite as embarrassing as realizing you forgot the funny part. Next is timing. Comedic timing is a skill that takes lots and lots of practice to perfect. Dont rush through your joke.

Give your audience time to figure it out. But dont wait too long or theyll lose interest. Finally: the punch line. This is the last part of a jokethe part youve been building up to, whether youve been telling a long shaggy-dog joke (more on those later!) or a short-n-sweet riddle. Its the funny part. Tell it loudly and firmly. Dont laugh in the middle of it or youll ruin the suspense.

Leave that up to your audience. The punch line should have an effect like its namea punch of silliness, right to the funny bone. BOOK TITLES Wed Love to See: Are You a Liar? by I.M. Knott World Travel by I.M. Tyred and Jett LAgg Fibbing Effectively by Liza Lott 101 Ways to Miss a Day of School by Ben Barphin 101 Hot n Spicy Meals by Tung Payne The Art of Flossing by Dr. D.