McNeely - Classic book of rude jokes: crass humor for the discriminating jokester

Text copyright 2013 by Scott McNeely. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. ISBN: 978-1-4521-2981-5 The Library of Congress has previously cataloged this title under ISBN: 978-1-4521-1698-3 Designed by Barbara Genetin Chronicle Books LLC
680 Second Street
San Francisco, California 94107
www.chroniclebooks.com CONTENTS This volume of rude and offensive jokes is dedicated
to my family, who remain anonymous by request.(Honey, dont you dare put my name in that book.)

W HY DID I WRITE THE CLASSIC BOOK OF RUDE JOKES? THATS A QUESTION MY WIFE HAS BEEN ASKING FOR MONTHS: WHY, INDEED, WOULD I DISGRACE MY FAMILY BY WRITING A BOOK FILLED WITH RUDE, OFFENSIVE, INSENSITIVE, MISOGYNISTIC, AND RACIST JOKES? Before explaining why I wrote the book, some context is required. Most joke books Ive read are emphatically not funny. And dont get me started on the pitiful state of humor on the Internet.

Theres nothing amusing about look-alike websites peddling carbon-copy lists of mediocre jokes. So, a few years ago, I decided to write a book called the Ultimate Book of Jokes. I asked friends to send me their favorite one-liners; many graciously complied. I scoured secondhand bookshops and mercilessly harangued colleagues, friends children, and random people on the street, always on the hunt for laugh-inducing source material. The Ultimate Book of Jokes has been well received; but, interestingly, readers have had two conflicting criticisms. Many readers have demanded fewer kid jokes and more dirty and offensive jokes.

At the same time, some readers have complained about too many curse words in a title intended for joke lovers of all ages. Fast-forward a few years andvoil!problem solved. Meet the Classic Book of Rude Jokes, with only the most offensive and rude jokes included and featuring extra sections on misogyny, insensitivity, and racism. With 50 percent more swear words, too! The Classic Book of Rude Jokes is intended, unapologetically, for people who enjoy a hearty laugh and who know how to take a joke. Its been said that nobody ever tells a joke for the first time. I do not claim otherwise.

Each joke in this book has been around the block a few times, because joke books are not written so much as they are curated. My job has been to sort the comedic wheat from the chaff, to polish language and sharpen punch lines, and to provide some cultural perspective. SCOTT MCNEELY

T HE SEVENTEENTH-CENTURY ENGLISH WRITER JOSEPH ADDISON ONCE SAID, MAN IS DISTINGUISHED FROM ALL OTHER CREATURES BY THE FACULTY OF LAUGHTER. AND ITS TRUE: WE HUMANS ARE NOTABLE FOR THE RANGE AND COMPLEXITY OF OUR HUMOR. WIT, SATIRE, SARCASM, IRONY, FARCE, SLAPSTICKWE FIND MANY WAYS TO MAKE OURSELVES LAUGH. Of course, this marvelous capacity to laugh is often paired with subject matter that would make a whore blush: farts, bawdy plays on the word cock, and ribaldry at the expense of alcoholics, men of the cloth, loose women, and midgets.

Somehow we can make ourselves laugh at dead babies, blind people, Jews, Italians, Canadians, lawyers, and rednecks. No race or ethnicity is spared; no sexual orientation or hobby or character flaw escapes the spotlight. Jokes are the ultimate social equalizer. Can jokes go too far? Can they hurt feelings? Absolutely. Its guaranteed that more than one joke in this book will offend you; it simply goes with the territory. Just remember that the events depicted in jokes are fictitious.

Similarities to any persons living or dead are merely coincidental.

Whats the difference between a joke and a funny story? One of the big differences is the buildup to a punch line. Jokes have punch lines, funny stories usually dont. Jokes are also mercifully short. Two or three lines is all you need for a joke to hit its target. And often jokes have a formulaic setup that hastens the climax (think: yo mama jokes, bar jokes, light-bulb jokes, knock-knock jokes, etc.).

After reading a few thousand jokes, its also clear that jokes fall into two broad categories that humansno doubt since the dawn of timehave found irresistibly funny. The first is so-called situational humor where an incongruous situation or a false assumption prompts a howl of laughter. The hallmarks of these jokes are talking animals, wish-granting genies, and foul-mouthed priests. Whenever day-to-day reality is even slightly distorted, its a golden opportunity for an unexpectedand unexpectedly funnypunch line. The second category involves wordplay. Double entendres and clever turns of phrase are the hallmarks here.

Late-night television hosts and stand-up comedians are the masters of this style of humor. Think of Johnny Carson, David Letterman, Jon Stewart, and Monty Pythons merry pranksters.

Why do we laugh at jokes? Scientists and professors, theorists and folklorists, not to mention bartenders and late-night comedians, have all thought deeply about this question. No surprise, then, that there are many theories of laughterhow laughter relieves inhibition, how laughter allows us to metaphorically beat up our social superiors, how laughter gives us a mechanism for dealing with socially taboo subjects such as racism, homosexuality, infidelity, and death. None other than Sigmund Freud argued that jokes, like dreams, are reflections of our unconscious desires and allow us publicly to share our sexual, aggressive, and cynical tendencies (which otherwise remain locked away in our subconscious). Fair enough.

But that doesnt satisfy the question of why we laugh instead of simply clap when somebody tells a rip-roaring joke. One theory argues that laughing itself promotes good health: Studies have shown that laughing lowers blood pressure, reduces stress hormones, and boosts your immune system. Laughter also triggers the release of endorphins, the bodys natural painkillers, and produces a general sense of well-being. Translation: People who laugh at jokes are likely to endure lifes vicissitudes better than humorless sticks-in-the-mud who rarely crack a smile. Think of laughing as a mini-workout for your body, mind, and spirit.

Next page