Bob Phillips - Zany and Brainy Good Clean Jokes for Kids

Cover illustration Leisure Time /Mister Retro Cover design by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota ZANY AND BRAINY GOOD CLEAN JOKES FOR KIDS Copyright 2005 by Bob Phillips Published 2012 by Harvest House Publishers Eugene, Oregon 97402 www.harvesthousepublishers.com ISBN 978-0-7369-3072-7 (pbk.) ISBN 978-0-7369-4295-9 (eBook) All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Q: How do you turn a beagle into a bird? A: Remove the b . Q: How do army frogs march? A: Hop, two, three, four! Q: How do eels get out of a muddy seabed? A: With four-eel drive. Q: How many hamburgers can you eat on a an empty stomach? A: Only one, because after that your stomach is no longer empty. Q: How was your trip to Helsinki? A: Terrible! All our luggage vanished into Finnair! Q: How did the inventor discover gunpowder? A: It came to him in a flash. Q: How does an artist break up with his girlfriend? A: He gives her the brush-off. Q: How can you stop a dog from barking in the backyard? A: Let him go out front. Q: How do you catch an electric eel? A: With a lightning rod. Q: How many paws does a bear have? A: One pa and one ma. Q: How do you fit six elephants in a motorboat? A: Put three in the front seat and three in the backseat. Q: How did Robinson Crusoe survive after his boat sank? A: He used a bar of soap and washed himself ashore. Q: How do you make a slow employee fast? A: Dont give him anything to eat for a while. Theodore: What do joke-book writers eat for breakfast? Thaddeus: Search me. Theodore: What do joke-book writers eat for breakfast? Thaddeus: Search me.

Theodore: Corny flakes.

Theodore: What is the best way to paint a rabbit? Thaddeus: Im in the dark. Theodore: With hare spray. Theodore: What kind of clothes does a house wear? Thaddeus: I dont have the foggiest. Theodore: A coat of paint and address. Theodore: What would happen if all the goofy people in Chicago jumped into Lake Michigan? Thaddeus: Im blank.

Theodore: Lake Michigan would end up with a ring around it.

Theodore: What type of fish play poker? Thaddeus: Thats a mystery. Theodore: Card sharks. Theodore: What is a fishs favorite game? Thaddeus: I have no idea. Theodore: Salmon Says. Theodore: What famous inventor loved practical jokes? Thaddeus: I dont know.

Theodore: Benjamin Pranklin.

Theodore: What kind of geese are found in Portugal? Thaddeus: I pass. Theodore: Portu-geese. Theodore: What do you take for motion sickness on a cruise? Thaddeus: Beats me. Theodore: Vitamin sea. Theodore: What would you get if you blew your hair dryer down a rabbit hole? Thaddeus: My mind is a blank.

Theodore: Hot, cross bunnies.

Theodore: What kind of vehicle does a hog drive? Thaddeus: Who knows? Theodore: A pig-up truck. Theodore: What would you get if you crossed an eagle and a skunk? Thaddeus: I give up. Theodore: An animal with a high stink. Theodore: What did the bus driver say to the fish? Thaddeus: You tell me. Theodore: What school do you go to? Theodore: What will not speak unless it is spoken to and cannot be seen but only heard? Thaddeus: I have no clue.

Theodore: An echo.

Theodore: What do you say when you want to stop a boat? Thaddeus: I cant guess. Theodore: Whoa, whoa, whoa the boat. Theodore: What would you get if you crossed a kangaroo with a cow? Thaddeus: Im in the dark. Theodore: A kangamoo. Theodore: What should you say if you are swimming in the ocean and happen to get entangled in kelp? Thaddeus: I dont have the foggiest.

Theodore: "KELP!"

Theodore: What do you call someone who paints flowers? Thaddeus: Im blank. Theodore: A budding artist. Next page