Bob Phillips - How to Deal with Annoying People: What to Do When You Cant Avoid Them

BOB PHILLIPS

KIMBERLY ALYN

HARVEST HOUSE PUBLISHERS

EUGENE, OREGON

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Cover by Dugan Design Group, Bloomington, Minnesota

Cover photoDigital Vision / Getty Images

HOW TO DEAL WITH ANNOYING PEOPLE
Copyright 2003/2005 by Bob Phillips and Kimberly Alyn
Published 2011 by Harvest House Publishers
Eugene, Oregon 97402
www.harvesthousepublishers.com

ISBN 978-0-7369-2701-7

The Library of Congress has cataloged the edition as follows:

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Phillips, Bob, 1940

How to deal with annoying people / Bob Phillips and Kimberly Alyn.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-7369-1444-4 (pbk.)

1. Interpersonal conflictReligious aspectsChristianity. 2. Conflict managementReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. Interpersonal relationsReligious aspectsChristianity. I. Alyn, Kimberly, 1965 II. Title.

BV4597.53.C58P49 2005

158.2dc22

2004022061

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, digital, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher.

Printed in the United States of America

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Thanks to all the annoying people in the world (you know who you are) for providing plenty of great material for a book like this. It could not have been written without you!

This book was made possible by the hand of God working in the lives of both authors. The Lord has continued to lead, bless, and direct the path that has led to this finished product. Praise God for His mighty work!

W riting is like wrestling alligatorsits an exciting and difficult task. Gene Fowler suggests that writing is easy: All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. Red Smith joins in by stating, Theres nothing to writingall you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein. When it comes to two people authoring a book, Evelyn Waugh makes the humorous observation, Two or more people getting together to write something is like three people getting together to make a baby.

The writing of this book was a joint effort of two friends who have spent many years speaking, teaching, and consulting with various organizations and businesses. We could have chosen to write it entirely in the third person, thus keeping our personalities out of the material and the illustrations. We could have chosen to split up the content, with Bob writing certain chapters and Kim writing others. We could have chosen to write most of the material in third person and occasionally identify certain portions by stating, This is Bob speaking or This is Kim speaking.

For the most part, we decided to write the illustrations in the first person and much of the text in third person. We chose this method because the illustrations actually happened to either Bob or Kim. By changing the names of the people in the illustrations and not identifying who was speaking, we have kept the power of the event while protecting the confidentiality of the individuals.

We felt that a first-person account of a real-life event would be a more powerful form of presentation. It was our hope that this style of writing would keep the flow of thought running smoothly and that the reader would sense the reality of true-life events. You, as the reader, may be more comfortable pretending either Bob or Kim is the only author. If that would be helpful, then please proceed with that concept in mind. We are both in agreement with the thoughts presented and speak with a unified mind.

Bob Phillips and Kimberly Alyn

Part I:
The Four Social Styles of Annoying People

PART II:
Conflict Prevention and Resolution

If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it.

THOMAS FULLER

E verywhere you look, conflict abounds: in the workplace, in the personal lives of individuals, and in our churches. Everyone has been annoyed by someone; consequently, everyone has annoyed other people at some point. One of the major causes of conflict lies in the social-style differences that exist between individuals, and the behaviors that are represented by those social styles.

This book is based on the four basic personality styles that date back to Hippocrates (460-370 BC). The social-styles theory has been called different names, but the basic foundation is the same (chapter 17 is dedicated to that very topicThe Foundational Basis for the Four Social-Styles Concept). This book is based on the specific social-styles concept developed by Merrill and Reid, as presented in their book Personal Styles and Effective Performance. The basic terminology has been retained, as well as the foundational concepts. The observations and research of the authors are also incorporated into the text.

There are other personality studies and social-style concepts that carry tremendous merit and value. However, the Merrill and Reid social-styles evaluation provides a simple, direct, and easily comprehendible method for grasping and applying these concepts. Other writers who have influenced the materials in this book include Dr. O. Hallesby, Dr. Tim LaHaye, David Keirsey, Marilyn Bates, Isabel Briggs-Myers, Dr. Carl Jung, and Raymond Cattell.

The response to social-styles training from seminar attendees and church presentations has been overwhelming. Both authors have been presenting this topic for many years, and both have experienced positive reaction to the social-styles concept. People find it fun, fascinating, and entertaining. Additionally, it is information that can be immediately applied in their lives, and the results are astounding. As individuals learn and apply this information, they are finding it easier to get along with the people who surround them at work, at home, and in the church.

This book was written with the intent of improving your life. As you discover your own social style and the styles of those around you, you will gain a greater sense of awareness with regard to the behavior patterns of people. As a result, you will learn how to adapt in a manner that will increase cohesiveness in your life. May this book be the first step to improving the quality of your relationships and the quality of your life.