Cal Samra - Good Humor: Church Jokes: The Best Church and Church People Jokes and Cartoons from The Joyful Noiseletter

2012 by The Joyful Noiseletter, edited by Cal and Rose Samra

Print ISBN 978-1-61626-279-2

eBook Editions:

Adobe Digital Edition (.epub) 978-1-60742-816-9

Kindle and MobiPocket Edition (.prc) 978-1-60742-817-6

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the publisher.

Scripture taken from the H OLY B IBLE , N EW I NTERNATIONAL V ERSION. NIV . Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Published in association with The Joyful Noiseletter by Barbour Publishing, Inc., P.O. Box 719, Uhrichsville, Ohio 44683, www.barbourbooks.com

To purchase additional copies of this book, please see your local Christian bookstore or contact Barbour Publishing at the address or website noted above.

Our mission is to publish and distribute inspirational products offering exceptional value and biblical encouragement to the masses.

Printed in the United States of America.

FOR OUR SONS,
LUKE, PAUL, MATT, AND AARON,
BUNDLES OF JOY AND GOOD CHEER

ANGELS CAN FLY BECAUSE THEY
TAKE THEMSELVES LIGHTLY.
NEVER FORGET THAT THE DEVIL
FELL BY FORCE OF GRAVITY.
G. K. CHESTERTON

In an article titled Can God Take a Joke? in the newspaper USA Today, religion writer Cathy Lynn Grossman answers, Absolutely! and reports on a fresh wave of humor among clergy, comics, and believers alike.

USA Today noted that The Joyful Noiseletter publishes humor anthologies that offer family-friendly Christian jokes and fit-for-the-church-bulletin cartoons to numerous denominations.

Twenty-seven years ago, my wife, Rose, and I searched for (but couldnt find) the word humor indexed in a seminary library. So we started publishing The Joyful Noiseletter to provide churches with jokes that pastors could tell, along with good humor and cartoons reproducible in local church newsletters, bulletins, and websites.

This book features some of TJNs best church jokes, anecdotes, and cartoons from past issues. Our thanks to Barbour senior editor Paul Muckley and to Paul M. Miller for helping organize them.

The copyrighted materials in this book are just for laughs and may not be reproduced in church publications and websites. But subscribers to The Joyful Noiseletter have automatic permission to reproduce the jokes, humor, and cartoons in each issue of the newsletter in their local church publications and websites. An annual subscription is only $29 and may be ordered from TJNs website (www.joyfulnoiseletter.com) or by calling toll-free 1-800-877-2757.

Peace and good cheer! Enjoy!

C AL S AMRA , E DITOR
T HE J OYFUL N OISELETTER

LESTER WAS FED UP WITH ALL THE
NEW PEOPLE COMING TO CHURCH

INTRODUCTION

I rejoiced with those who said to me,
Let us go to the house of the L ORD.
P SALM 122:1

Whether your house-of-the-Lord is a massive cathedral, a modest church, or a clearing in the woods, the folks who gather there have contributed greatly to the outlandish humor in the pages to follow.

Stuff like the following food for thought: Theres hardly been a potluck supper that didnt have its share of funny incidentson the buffet table or in the digestive tract of the imbibers.

Morning worship bulletins have made a mighty contribution to the lore of the misprintfor example, Thursday night potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow, or For those of you who have children and dont know it, we have a nursery downstairs. And this classic: Ladies, dont forget the rummage sale. Its a chance to get rid of those things you dont want to keep. Dont forget your husbands.

Of course, we cant forget the person in the pulpit, either. In the pages to follow, youll find some fine examples of preaching gaffes, like God wants a holy people! I say holyH-O-L-L-Y!

And so it goes. As youll discover here, humorous church happenings are no respecter of denomination, hymnody, mode of baptism, or gender.

While the publisher is unable to guarantee the veracity of every story, incident, or hyperbole that follows, we hope thatin the midst of the anticipated giggles and guffawsyou will glimpse our commitment to the sacred faith amidst human foibles.

What would it be like In the Sweet By and By without church music and musicians? And how could the church have grown over the past two thousand years if it were still dependent on Davids harp or a chief priests rams horn?

One thing weve learned is, dont wait until The Roll Is Called Up Yonder to start appreciating the joyful noises of praise. Right now stop and Count Your Blessings while firmly Standing on the Promises.

Oh yesbefore the music starts, pick out a pleasing choir member, like that Amazing Grace over in the soprano section and anticipate those Angels We Have Heard on High. Tell the kid sitting next to you that Rock of Ages has nothing to do with pop music and give a quick poke to the guy who snores through The Haven of Rest.

Above all, keep the Hallelujah Chorus close at hand.

Heavenly Father, I truly believe in the fruits of the Holy Spirit, but please tell mewhat should I do with those two lemons in my church choir?

The young man who supplies accompaniment for our churchs praise band brought his laptop to a rehearsal recently to demonstrate a music-writing program he had loaded into it. On the screen were the usual musical bars and notes, except that every so often, there would be a note or two in red. He explained that the basic song was written with the black noteseven beginning music students should be able to play that much. The red notes were for more advanced students to include.

A few days later, I was explaining the program to some teenagers who had stopped by for a visit. I was explaining the difference between duo-colored notes. I said, and the red notes

My older son, who is also a digital composer, interrupted and said, are the ones that Jesus sang.

R EV . D R . K ARL R. K RAFT
G LASSBORO , N EW J ERSEY

Q: What has forty feet and sings?