David McLaughlan - Wild-and-Woolly Animal Jokes: An Untamed Collection of the Worlds Best Animal Humor

2012 by Barbour Publishing, Inc.

Print ISBN 978-1-61626-669-1

eBook Editions:

Adobe Digital Edition (.epub) 978-1-60742-752-0

Kindle and MobiPocket Edition (.prc) 978-1-60742-753-7

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission of the publisher.

Cartoons by Randy Glasbergen, reprinted with permission from glasbergen.com

Published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., P.O. Box 719, Uhrichsville, Ohio 44683 www.barbourbooks.com

Our mission is to publish and distribute inspirational products offering exceptional value and biblical encouragement to the masses.

Printed in the United States of America.

N ot only did God make all things bright and beautiful but according to the song, He also made all creatures great and small.

Some of those animals are bright and beautiful and some are weirdly wonderful. There are the ones with impressive wings, the ones that glow in the sea, the ones with the big teeth, awesome camouflage, impressive digestion, radar senses, horns, claws, cute whiskers, pretty pink eyesand the ones that look like a mixture of two or three other animals!

Then, into this awesome array He put the oddest creature of allthe human being. Thankfully, He gave us the ability to laugh, and when you mix that sense of humor with the huge range of possibilities the animal kingdom offers for fun then you getwellread on. Be prepared to laugh, grunt, and maybe even squeak, quack, and roar!

B irds soar closer to heaven than any other creature. Imagine spending most of your life soaring high above the rest of creationhow majestic! How awe-inspiring! But, then, birds also eat worms and make an awful mess when you least expect them to.

Like mankind, birds have the ability to be both glorious and absurd. We have beautiful birdsong and parrots talking whatever nonsense we teach them. Excuse us if we mix those two aspectsthe glorious and the absurdtogether in this chapter, with the balance just ever so slightly tipped in favor of the absurd, of course!

A man went to an auction with no particular idea of what he wanted to buy, but when he saw the next lot was a beautiful parrot he decided he had to have it. After showing the bird to the crowd, the auctioneer put a cover over its cage and the bidding began.

The man had no idea how much a beautiful parrot like that was worth, but every time he made a bid someone else bid higher. More and more convinced that this must be a valuable bird he kept increasing his bid until he won.

A little concerned by the amount he had just paid, the man drew back the cover from the cage. It is very beautiful, he said to the auctioneer. But after paying all that money, I just hope it can talk!

Of course it can talk, the auctioneer said. Who do you think was bidding against you?

A woman liked to feed the ducks at her local pond, but after a while it occurred to her that, no matter how early she came, the ducks were always out and paddling about before she arrived.

Yeah, said a fellow duck-feeder, thats because they get up at the quack of dawn.

A duck waddled into a fancy restaurant and hopped up onto a table. Pretending she had seen it all before, the waitress brought it a menu. The duck pecked out a selection, and she brought its meal.

Once it finished, the waitress presented the duck with its check.

Put it on my bill, it said.

Q: What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?

A: A box of quackers.

Q: Why do seagulls live by the sea?

A: Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.

Q: What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A: A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q: Which birds spend all their time on their knees?

A: Birds of pray.

Q: Which bird is the rudest and most annoying of them all?

A: A mockingbird.

Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

A: It uses a sparrow-chute.

Q: Which bird is always out of breath?

A: A puffin.

Q: How do the birds know whether they should go out in the morning or stay in their nests?

A: They watch the feather forecast.