H.G. Tudor - Elated and Eroded

Elated and Eroded

By

H G Tudor

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2016

Elated and Eroded

By

H G Tudor

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the express written permission of the publisher.

Published by Insight Books

Tell Me Now How Does it Feel?

I want and I need to know how you feel. I want you to tell me all about it because the expression of how you feel feeds me. Whether you feel joyous, in love, happy, elated, sad, depressed or angry all of those feelings provide me with fuel. That is why, at its most obvious, I ask and need to know about how you are feeling. Notice how I ask you to tell me how you feel? I do this for two reasons. The first is that I have learned to understand how somebody looks when they are conveying a particular emotion. I know that widened eyes and a smile, with a relaxed posture indicates that somebody is happy. I know that a knitted and furrowed brow, pursed lips and narrowed eyes denotes irritation or displeasure. However, I have needed somebody to explain how they feel so that I know what emotion is being linked with that appearance. Secondly, I like to hear the words as well as see the expression as this double the effect of the fuel. I know that if someone smiles at me then that is an expression of pleasure and admiration directed towards me. If that person smiles and then tells me how smart I look in my outfit, the admirations effect is increased and thus I receive more fuel. Words allied with action become potent for me. I may revel in the fact you are glaring at me with arms folded across your chest after I have upset you with my comments about how attractive a new lady at work is. I prefer it however if you have some choice words to throw in my direction to accompany your fuming annoyance.

Whether you are praising me or insulting me, I pay special attention to how you feel. I gather the fuel and I also learn what expressions, tone and body language accompanies certain emotions so that I can then replicate some of them when I need to. I also remember your emotional responses, you telling me how you feel so that I can link it to a particular act or sentence of mine. If telling you that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me causes you to smile widely, your eyes light up and for you to tell me similar, then I make a mental note to use that again. If I learn that using a particular nickname that you told me about when we first me, upsets you and makes you feel small, I shall remember that also and use it accordingly. I always like to know how you are feeling. Over time I become more attuned to you and easily know which emotions are being conveyed, even the subtle ones, but I still like you to tell me how you feel so that I gain extra fuel and also I am able to ascertain which of my behaviours causes you the greatest emotional reaction so I will use them repeatedly.

In the initial throes of our relationship this repeated request for you to tell me how you feel or to ask how are you, or to ask how you are feeling comes across as if I care. I do not but I am content to let you labour under this misapprehension as it serves my purposes. Even when my devaluation of you has commenced you may think that when I say to you,

How does that make you feel?

I am exhibiting some degree of concern as your well-being and your emotional state. I am not. I am just serving my own purposes.

I need to know how you feel to aid me in my portrayal of emotions. I do not feel joy, I do not feel elation or happiness. I feel powerful. I feel engorged. I feel invigorated. I do not feel sadness.I do not become upset. I do not feel dejected. I feel neither guilt, remorse or worry. I know however to feign all of these emotions through my repeated study of people, people like you and how they have told me how these particular emotions feel to them. I understand these emotions. I understand how you feel but I do not feel myself. My sense of feeling is limited to feeling a sense of power or its absence. I feel envy, fury, jealousy, wounding and annoyance. I feel restless, I feel irritated and I feel amused. Yes, I do have a sense of humour despite what you may think. Indeed, the use of humour is a potent part of my arsenal and of course it is tailored to the humour that clicks for you and makes you laugh and feel happy.

I need to know how you feel because I need you to enable me to plug that gap in my emotional make-up. I fill it with knowledge and in so doing I am able to fashion the various masks which I shall pick and wear when I know that I need to convey a certain emotion to you in order to get the reaction from you that I want. This is why once upon a time I did appear to look sympathetic when you told me about your pet dying or how I expressed concern when you explained to me that your father was unwell. I only did this during the golden period so you would think better of me. I only did this because I wanted you to think that I was like you. I only did this to fit in and so I could appear more attractive that I really am. It is through the understanding of how you feel that I know how I should appear to feel and accordingly I am better able to maintain my pretences and further my own agenda.

Open Doors

I never close a door on any of my relationships. You never know when they may come in handy once again. People often think that there comes a point when we will eventually lose interest and we will finally leave somebody alone. It is true that there may pass a considerable period of time before we decide to hoover somebody and try to extract that delicious hoover fuel from them. This may be because we cannot find you. It may be that you exposed what we are, attacked our faade and caused us to slink away in order to repair from your horrendous wounding. You may have become so proficient that you caused us to teeter on the edge of the abyss and it was only our timely retreat which enabled us to seek sanctuary and salvation, away from your wicked treatment. We are not stupid and where that has happened our recovery may have taken some time and more so we would be wary before approaching you once again but the door would not be shut. It would be kept ajar ever so slightly. We would not return in order to try to hoover you back into a conventional relationship with a reinstated golden period and the auspices of being partners. We doubt that you would succumb and we would be loath to expending such energy to achieve this in light of the limited prospects of success. We would however be amenable to a malign approach, if that is our nature. We would want revenge and retribution for your treachery and this is what would keep the door wedged open. No matter how hard you tried to close it and bolt it shut, we would look to keep it open or if necessary hammer it down in order to gain entry to you once again. We would not want your positive fuel. This would not be a hoover of a benign nature but instead we would want to upset you, hurt you and anger you. It is likely that in order to open this door we would enlist the assistance of our lieutenants to slip under your radar and carry out our malevolent work against you. We would ensure our coterie furnished us with the information that is needed to make our campaign successful. In such circumstances the door may not be closed or even if you try and close it, we will look to open it once again.

This mind set does not just apply to those with whom we have established an intimate relationship. Those who make up our secondary and tertiary sources find themselves very much included in this open door policy. Indeed, whilst we may appear to push the door closed to an intimate partner, it is usually left yawning open for our brainwashed admirers who we know will always comply with our requests and will always be good for providing us with some fuel when we require it. Those sources may occasionally find themselves excluded from our largesse should they offend us in some way but if they have something that we want, be it fuel, traits or some other residual benefit such as tickets to an exclusive event, clients that we want to court and such like, the door will be pulled back open again and we shall charm them once again as if nothing had ever happened.