Coughlin - No more christian nice guy: when being nice instead of good hurts men, women, and children
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2005, 2016 by Paul Coughlin
Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com
Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com
Ebook edition created 2016
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meansfor example, electronic, photocopy, recordingwithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.
ISBN 978-1-4412-6519-7
Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com
Scripture quotations labeled AMP are from the Amplified Bible, copyright 2015 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)
Scripture quotations labeled ESV are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version (ESV), copyright 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ESV Text Edition: 2011
Scripture quotations labeled T HE M ESSAGE are from THE MESSAGE. Copyright by Eugene H. Peterson 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
Scripture quotations labeled NEB are from The New English Bible . Copyright 1961, 1970, 1989 by The Delegates of Oxford University Press and The Syndics of the Cambridge University Press. Reprinted by permission.
Scripture quotations labeled NIV 1984 are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 Biblica. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled NKJV are from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Scripture quotations labeled NLT are from the Holy Bible , New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Some names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.
Cover design by Darren Welch Design LLC
Author is represented by Books & Such Literary Agency
To Sandy.
For your support, encouragement, and more rejuvenation than you know.
To Elliot, Garrett, and Abigail Coughlin.
You and Mom are at the core of this conspiracy of good.
Cover
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
The Good Guy Rebellion: Phase Two
1. Christian Nice Guys Arent So Nice
2. Hes No Angel
3. Other Earnest but Damaging Messages to Men
4. Childhood: Where Many Learn to Live Small
5. How Being Nice Ruins Love and Marriage
6. To Be a Man
7. Nice Guy, Nave Guy: How Being Nice Hurts Men at Work
8. The Journey From Nice Guy to Good Guy
9. Searching Ones Soul and Facing Ones Fears
10. Help Along the Good Guy Highway
11. God: Lion or Cocker Spaniel?
Notes
Books by Paul Coughlin
Back Ad
Back Cover
The Good Guy Rebellion: Phase Two
. Kip Jacob, Better Than Prayer in Schools, Q Talk, http://qideas.org/videos/better-than-prayer-in-schools/.
. Brett and Kate McKay, The Life of Jack London as a Case Study in the Power and Perils of Thumos, Part 1: Introduction, March 25, 2013, http://www.artofmanliness.com/2013/03/25/the-life-of-jack-london-as-a-case-study-in-thumos-1-introduction/.
. David Shatz, in Joseph B. Soloveitchik, The Lonely Man of Faith (New York: Doubleday, 1965, 2006), xi.
. Matthew 27:22
. Matthew 12:18
. Timothy Keller, Generous Justice (New York: Riverhead, 2010), xi.
. Christian Women Today, Part 2 of 4, The Barna Group, August 16, 2012: https://www.barna.org/barna-update/culture/585-christian-women-today-part-2-of-4-a-look-at-womens-lifestyles-priorities-and-time-commitments#.Vp-7Pk99bAk.
. David Murrow, What Christian Women Really, Really Want, September, 25, 2013: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/churchformen/2013/09/the-1-idol-christian-women-worship/.
. Howard Snyder, Church Business or Kingdom Business? November 13, 2012, http://howardsnyder.seedbed.com/2012/11/13/church-business-or-kingdom-business/.
. Philip Zimbardo, The Demise of Guys? TED2011 Talk, March 2011, https://www.ted.com/talks/zimchallenge?language=en.
. Ray Williams, The Crisis of Fatherhood, Psychology Today , June 5, 2015, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201506/the-crisis-fatherhood.
. Ibid.
. Ibid.
Chapter 1: Christian Nice Guys Arent So Nice
. Joel Kilpatrick, God, Thats Funny (Westlake Village, CA: LarkNews, 2012).
. Bill Hybels and Mark Mittelberg, Becoming a Contagious Christian (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1995), 6364.
. Rick Warren, The Purpose- Driven Life (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2002), 153.
. Lynne Hybels, Nice Girls Dont Change the World (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2005), 2, 14.
. Revelation 21:8
. Martin Luther King Jr., Strength to Love (Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 2010), 19.
Chapter 2: Hes No Angel
. Matthew Parris, As an Atheist, I Truly Believe Africa Needs God, The Times , December 27, 2008.
. Anthony Bradley, From Boys to Men, World Magazine, July 28, 2010, http://www.worldmag.com/2010/07/from_boys_to_men.
. Stu Weber, The Heart of a Tender Warrior (Sisters, OR: Multnomah, 2002), 263.
. Frederica Mathewes-Green, God As Suffering Parent, December 22, 1999, http://frederica.com/writings/god-as-suffering-parent.html.
. Philip Yancey, The Jesus I Never Knew (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1995), 23.
. Garry Wills, What Jesus Did, American Scholar , March 1, 2006, https://theamericanscholar.org/what-jesus-did.
. Shmuley Boteach, Face Your Fear (New York: St. Martins, 2004), 151.
. Eugene Peterson, Introduction to the Psalms, T HE M ESSAGE (Colorado Springs: NavPress, 2007).
. Elton Trueblood, The Humor of Christ (New York: Harper & Row, 1964).
. Greg Hartman, Plain Truth (Nov/Dec. 2004), 29, http://www.ptm.org/04PT/NovDec/laughingMessiah.htm.
. Joel Kilpatrick, God, Thats Funny (Westlake Village, CA: LarkNews, 2012).
Chapter 3: Other Earnest but Damaging Messages to Men
. Bronislaw Malinowski, Sex, Culture, and Myth (New York: Harcourt, Brace & World, 1962), 169170.
. W. Bradford Wilcox, Soft Patriarchs, New Men: How Christianity Shapes Fathers and Husbands (Chicago: University of Chicago, 2004).
. Galatians 3:28 T HE M ESSAGE
. David G. Benner, Soulful Spirituality (Grand Rapids, MI: Brazos Press, 2011), 45.
. Angela Thomas, Do You Think Im Beautiful? The Question Every Woman Asks (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2005).
. Stephen Prothero, American Jesus (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2004), 58.
. Ibid, 85.
. Leon Podles, The Church Impotent (Dallas: Spence Publishing, 1999), 36.
Chapter 4: Childhood: Where Many Learn to Live Small
. Anne Lamott, Stitches (New York: Riverhead, 2013), 28.
. Paul Tillich, Love, Power, and Justice (Oxford: Oxford University Press, 1960), 25.
. Anne Lamott, Stitches , 26.
. C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: HarperOne, 1952), 89.
Chapter 5: How Being Nice Ruins Love and Marriage
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