Paul Coughlin - No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice—Instead of Good—Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends

NO MORE
CHRISTIAN
NICE GIRL

Books by

Paul Coughlin

FROM BETHANY HOUSE PUBLISHERS

Five Secrets Great Dads Know

Married... But Not Engaged (with Sandy Coughlin)

No More Christian Nice Girl (with Jennifer Degler, PhD)

No More Christian Nice Guy

No More Christian Nice Guy Study Guide

No More Jellyfish, Chickens, or Wimps

Unleashing Courageous Faith

No More Christian Nice Girl
Copyright 2010
Coughlin Ministries, Inc. and Jennifer Degler

Cover design by Andrea Boven Nelson

Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com

Scripture quotations identified NASB are taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE, Copyright The Lockman Foundation 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995. Used by permission. www.lockman.org

Scripture quotations identified NLT are from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations identified CEV are from the Contemporary English Version. Copyright American Bible Society 1995. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations identified WENT are taken from THE JESUS BOOKThe Bible in Worldwide English. Copyright SOON Educational Publications, Derby DE65 6BN, UK. Used by permission.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout the prior written permission of the publisher. The only exception is brief quotations in printed reviews.

Published by Bethany House Publishers
11400 Hampshire Avenue South
Bloomington, Minnesota 55438
www.bethanyhouse.com

Bethany House Publishers is a division of
Baker Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan.
www.bakerpublishinggroup.com

E-book edition created 2011

ISBN 978-1-4412-1208-5

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is on file at the Library of Congress, Washington, DC.

The internet addresses, email addresses, and phone numbers in this book are accurate at the time of publication. They are provided as a resource. Baker Publishing Group does not endorse them or vouch for their content or permanence.

Dedication

To Ellen Friesen, who has shown Sandy and me, today and forever, what Gods Good Woman really is. Thank you for your inspiring love, friendship, strength, and courage. May our daughter live up to her namesake.

Paul

To my Balcony Women: Rebecca Mackey, Annette Bartle, Beth Degler, Carla Gassett, and Josie Degler.

Jennifer

PAUL COUGHLIN is a former newspaper editor and is the author of numerous books. He is the founder of The Protectors, which provides values-based and faith-based solutions to the cruelty of adolescent bullying. A popular speaker at mens, womens, parenting, and anti-bullying conferences, he has appeared on Good Morning America, Nightline, 700 Club, Focus on the Family, C-SPAN, Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, Newsweek, and other media outlets. His anti-bullying curriculum is used throughout North America as well as England, Canada, Australia, Uganda, and South Africa. He is a frequent radio guest in Cork, Ireland.

Paul is the Boys Varsity Soccer Coach at St. Marys School, where he was voted Coach of the Year, and where he is also a member of the Board of Directors. He is a member of the Southern Oregon Leadership Team for SMART: Start Making A Reader Today. He and his wife, Sandy, have three teenagers and live in southern Oregon. www.PaulCoughlin.net

JENNIFER DEGLER, PhD, is a clinical psychologist and life coach. A frequent speaker at womens events and marriage retreats, Jennifer is known for her entertaining and engaging presentations that make audiences laugh while they learn. She counsels adults, youth, and couples at the Interfaith Counseling Center in central Kentucky. She has served as the Ethics Chair for the Kentucky Psychological Association and is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors.

Jennifer is the founder of Creating Christian Change, a life coaching enterprise that works with clients across the country helping them to create lives they love (www.JenniferDegler.com). She has appeared on television, radio, and in print as an expert in life coaching, mental health, and female sexuality. She is also the creator of CWIVES, a Web site devoted to helping Christian wives understand and enhance their sexuality (www.cwives.com). She and her husband, Jeff, have two teenagers and live in Lexington, Kentucky.

Acknowledgments

From Paul

Thank you to Sandy Coughlin, Barb Wiedenbeck, Janet Grant, Kortland Fuqua, Dennis Hughett Jr., Traylor Lovvorn, Rick Johnson, Jeff Anderson, Ray Huett, Tina Dupree, Jeff Rush, Steve Weydert, Kelly Wieber, and Anni Jones.

From Jennifer

Thank you to the following for their invaluable support and inspiration:

Annette and Matt Bartle; Beth, Kevin, Ken, and Pat Degler; Angie and Daniel Mackey; Carla and John Gassett; Pam Seales, Rick Landon, and the therapists and clients of the Interfaith Counseling Center; Janet Grant; the Camping Buddies (satisfied?); Debi Stack; the WOW class; the Abbey of Gethsemani; J-CURP; my prayer team; and the Bethany House team, including Kyle Duncan, Julie Smith, Brett Benson, Tim Peterson, Amanda Hall, and our insightful editor, Ellen Chalifoux.

A special thank you to:

My mom, Rebecca Mackey, for the many hours she spent categorizing the verses that demonstrate the firmer side of Jesus.

My wonderful children, Josie and Jake, and my best friend and husband, Jeff Degler.

Contents

Frustrated, Fearful, and Fake:
Meet Nicole, Christian Nice Girl

Hold on! you might say in response to this books title. Why would any Christian woman in her right mind want to stop being nice? Well, meet Nicole, a Christian Nice Girl (CNG), and slip into the passengers seat of her life for one day. Be sure to buckle up, because when a CNG is driving, things get bumpy very fast. Life always does when a woman chooses to be nice instead of good.

CNG Nicole

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP! As the alarm clock blares, Nicole hits the Snooze button, hoping to steal a few more minutes of precious sleep. Why am I so tired? she wonders before remembering she spent her third late night in a row finishing her sisters taxes and her sons science fair project. After stumbling to the shower for a speedy shampoo, Nicole wraps herself in a towel and wipes the steamy mirror. Look at those suitcases under my eyes! Time to spackle on the concealer.

Nicole checks the clock, groans, and pokes her head out of the bathroom. David, will you get the kids moving and pack lunches? Im running late, and I still need to blow-dry my hair.