Ebbutt - Donts for Husbands

Originally published 1913
Republished 2007
Reprinted 2007 (seven times)
Reprinted 2008 (three times)
Reprinted 2009 (three times)
Reprinted 2010

by A & C Black Publishers Limited
36 Soho Square, London W1D 3QY
www.acblack.com

eISBN: 978-1-408-13354-5

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available
from the British Library.

Printed by WKT Company Ltd, China

Table of Contents

DONTS
FOR HUSBANDS

DONTS
FOR HUSBANDS

BY
BLANCHE EBBUTT

MY DEAR SIR,

You are neither as bad nor as good a fellow as you imagine yourself to be. No doubt you know a good deal about women, but (if you are in the early years of your married life) not nearly as much as you will in another decade. In any case I hope that, when you have read my little book, you will thank me for having told you many things that otherwise you could have learned only by experience, more or less bitter according to the discretion exercised both by you and by your other half.

Women, married or single, are kittle-cattle; and, as for menwell, I have a husband myself !

BLANCHE EBBUTT.

DONT drop cigarette ash all over the drawing-room carpet. Some people will tell you that it improves the colours, but your wife wont care to try that recipe.

Dont throw cigar-ends into the bowl of water your wife keeps in front of the gas-fire. They are not ornamental, and she will not be pleased.

Dont increase the necessary work of the house by leaving all your things lying about in different places. If you are not tidy by nature, at least be thoughtful for others.

Dont sit down to breakfast in your shirt-sleeves in hot weather on the ground that only your wife is present. She is a woman like any other woman. The courtesies you give to womankind are her due, and she will appreciate them.

Dont take it out on your poor wife every time you have a headache or a cold. It isnt her fault, and she has enough to do in nursing you, without having to put up with ill-humour into the bargain.

Dont flourish a grimy handkerchief about because you have forgotten to take a clean one out of your box or your drawer. If your wife provides you with a reasonable stock, you might at least take the trouble to remember to use them.

Dont stoop, even if your work is desk-work. Your wife wants to see you straight and broad-chested.

Dont slouch. No one who cares for a man likes to see him acquire a slouching habit.

Dont be too grave and solemn. Raise a bit of fun in the home now and then.

Dont keep all your best jokes for your men friends. Let your wife share them.

Dont look at things solely from a mans point of view. Put yourself in your wifes place and see how you would like some of the things she has to put up with.

Dont fidget. Some husbands are never still for a moment. They walk in and out of rooms like the wandering Jew; they play with the salt at dinner; they draw lines on the tablecloth with a fork; they tap the table with their fingers and the floor with their feet; they creak their slippers and drop the coal tongs on to the tiled hearth. In fact, they keep their wives in a state of tension, and the poor creatures would need nerves of iron to enable them to stand the strain.

Dont make a fuss when your wife has unattached women friends to be seen home at night. I have seen men on these occasions look at their slippers, and fuss about changing into walking-shoes, and look out to see whether it rains, etc., until I should certainly have gone off alone had I been the guest to be escorted.

Dont sharpen pencils all over the house as you walk about. Try a hearth or a waste-paper basket, or a newspaper. It does not improve either carpets or the servants temper to find scraps of pencil-sharpenings all over the floors.

Dont delegate the carving to your wife on the plea that you cant carve. You should be ashamed to own that you cant do a little thing like that as well as a woman can. It is just laziness on your part. Besides, a man ought to take the head of his own table.

Dont always refuse to go shopping with your wife. Of course its a nuisance, but sometimes she honestly wants your advice, and you ought to be pleased to give it.

Dont be conceited about your good looks. It is more than probable that no one but yourself is aware of them; anyway, you are not responsible for them, and vanity in a man is ridiculous.

Dont refuse to get up and investigate in the night if your wife hears an unusual noise, or fancies she smells fire or escaping gas. She will be afraid of shaming you by getting up herself, and will lie awake working herself into a fever. This may be illogical, but its true.

Dont hang about the house all day if your occupation does not take you abroad. Spend regular hours in your study or den, or go out and play golf; but dont inflict your company on your wife during every minute of every day. She is fond of you, but she wants to be free sometimes. And she has business to do, if you havent.

Dont keep up the poor little woman pose too long. A woman may like to be a plaything for a little while, but the novelty soon wears off.

Dont condescend; you are not the only person in the house with brains.

Dont be surprised, or annoyed, or disappointed, to find, after treating your wife for years as a feather-brain, that you have made her one, and that she fails to rise to the occasion when you need her help.

Dont keep her in cotton-wool. She isnt waxshes a woman.

Dont try to take all work and worry off her shoulders. You cant attend to her business and your own too.

Dont shelter her from every wind that blows. You will kill her soul that way, if you save her body.

Dont forget that you are not immortal. What chance will she have if you die and leave her with no knowledge of the ways of the wicked world?

Dont omit to bring home an occasional bunch of flowers or a few chocolates. Your wife will value even a penny bunch of violets for your thought of her.

Dont rush out of the house in such a hurry that you havent time to kiss your wife good-bye. She will grieve over the omission all day.

Dont belittle your wife before visitors. You may think it a joke to speak of her little foibles, but she will not easily forgive you.

Dont be careless about keeping promises made to your wife. If you have promised to be at home at seven, think twice before you go off with a friend at 6.30.

Dont hesitate to mention the fact when you think your wife looks especially nice. Your thinking so can give her no pleasure unless you tell your thought.

Dont forget your wifes birthday. Even if she doesnt want the whole world to know her age, she doesnt like you to forget.

Dont think that because you cant afford to buy an expensive present, it is best to take no notice at all. The smallest gift will be appreciated if prompted by love.

Dont sulk when things go wrong. If you cant help being vexed, say so, and get it over.

Dont nag your wife. If she has burnt the cake or forgotten to sew on a button, she doesnt want to be told of it over and over again.

Dont shout when you are angry. It isnt necessary to let the children or the servants know all about it.

Dont scowl or look severe. Cultivate a pleasant expression if Nature hasnt blessed you with one.

Dont let off steam on your wife or children every time anything goes wrong in the garage or the garden, or the fowl-house, or the dark room. Try to realise that they have nothing to do with it, and that it is unfair to make them suffer for it.