Editors of Mens Health - Mens health confidential: last longer in bed: your guide to overcoming premature ejaculation

INTRODUCTION

YOUR SEX LIFE IS ABOUT TO GET A WHOLE LOT BETTER!

Ultimately, it was the start-stop method that pushed my fiance, Tara, over the edge. What with so much stopping and so little starting, not to mention all my various instructionsSlow down, easy, easy, okay, go ahead, stop, I said stop!she finally blurted out, Jesus, are we having sex or parking a car?

As she jumped out of bed and reached for her clothes, I pleaded, Waityou cant just get up and go

Why not? Thats what you do every time we have sex.

I stammered and said something about lasting 10 seconds2 more than last month. She said something about menopause and how maybe wed be able to have sex for a whole minute by then.

Im so sick and tired of saying, Its okay, really, every time we have sex, she yelled. Its not okay! This is your problem, not mine. And if you dont get it figured out by the time I get back from Hong Kong, the engagement is off!

***

Ejaculating too soon is one of a mans greatest secret fears.

You probably understand that all too well. After all, you downloaded this book for a reason: to find relief from premature ejaculation (PE) and improve your sex life. You believe that PE strikes a blow at the very core of your masculinityyour ability to satisfy a womans sexual needs.

Its embarrassing. It hurts your self-esteem. If youre a pleaserthat is, if you have the kind of personality that puts a high value on pleasing othersit may even cause you to avoid sexual encounters for fear of underperforming and disappointing.

The personal account you just read comes from a man named Ian Kerner. Did he cure his PE by the time his fiance returned? No spoiler here: Youll find out the rest of his story in . But heres a clue: He now has a PhD and is one of the countrys leading sex experts.

His story highlights how devastating PE can be for men, and how it brings soul-crushing stress to every relationship. The goal of this book is to convince you that worrying about your performance is counterproductive and often unwarranted and that there are effective techniques that can help you. Living with sexual anxiety of any kind is no way to live. The help you are looking for is right here. Read onyour sex life is about to get a whole lot better.

You Are Not Alone

Your desire to delay ejaculation is probably common to the majority of men. One survey found that up to 75 percent of men would like to last longer before ejaculating. That doesnt mean they all have PE. Just how many do have it is a tough number to pinpoint. Some estimates put it as high as 40 percent worldwide. The Premature Ejaculation Prevalence and Attitudes study, an Internet survey of more than 12,000 men in three countries, reported the prevalence of PE to be 24 percent for the US sexually active male population, while it was 20 percent in both England and Italy.

Thats a lot of men. As a study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior notes, PE is the single most common male sexual dysfunction . Its more common than even impotence, and more worrisome because, well, a little blue pill can fix many cases of impotence, but theres currently no Viagra-like drug available in the United States that will help a man last longer in bed.

(A few years ago in Europe, Johnson and Johnson began selling the first prescription drug designed specifically to treat PE. Read more about pharmaceutical treatments in .)

A New PE Epidemic?

Many experts report a sharp rise in men complaining of PE. When urologist Michael Werner, MD, opened his first practice in Purchase, New York, 15 years ago, about 5 percent of his patients complained about it. Today, that number is about 30 percent.

Why the jump?

In the past 40 to 50 years, men havent suddenly evolved into hyperejaculating creatures. As youll read in the following chapters, weve always been that way because it gave us a reproductive advantage in the caveman days. Fast sex equaled safe sex when you were poaching a female whod been spoken for by an alpha male.

Now, fast-forward to todays sexuality. Women are more empowered and sexually free, which means we feel more pressure to please them. And look at the mainstreaming and proliferation of free Internet porn (yes, lookand lookokay, stop looking), which has altered our standards for bedroom performance.

Suddenly PE is no longer a beneficial trait.

Coming too soon not only can cause psychological disturbances, self-esteem issues, and other sexual dysfunction such as low libido, but also can affect both partners, creating emotional distance and sexual avoidance. Women often say that the self-criticism and apologies men offer after ejaculating too soon are real turnoffs.

My boyfriend Matts PE ended our relationship, says Michele F. I couldnt understand it. I enjoyed our sex life, but he was obsessed with us coming at the same time. Well, I just couldnt get off through intercourse all the time. I started thinking that I was the problem.

Its no surprise, then, that PE is a major concern of many, many men who will do almost anything to last longer in the sack. Those we spoke with said theyve downed shots of whiskey, undergone hypnosis, and even tied elastic bands around their penises in attempts to stave off the inevitable (ouch!).

***

Its safe to say that every man has experienced a too-rapid ejaculation at some time in his sexual life. But you should recognize that some of your anxiety about PE may be overblown. Consider this: Women are far less likely than men to care or even notice how long the actual intercourse part of sex lasts as long as there is adequate foreplay.

In one study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior , researchers found that while 24 percent of men claimed they had a PE problem, only 10 percent of their partners agreed. The rest were unbothered. Theres some cultural expectation that the longer you last, the better you are, says Gale Golden, a licensed social worker, a clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont, and the author of In the Grip of Desire . [Men] believe that if they last longer, theyll be better able to bring a woman to orgasm.

But most women cant reach orgasm through intercourse alone anyway; they need oral and/or manual stimulation. So, to be a truly amazing lover, a man needs to understand a womans need for foreplay and clitoral stimulation. Thats why the second part of this book is devoted to dozens of techniques for pleasing a woman and becoming her best lover ever. By learning how to focus on bringing her to orgasm using manual and oral stimulation, a man can ease the pressure to perform and relax, which will go a long way toward helping him delay ejaculation.

Thats just one set of stats and facts that can help reassure you, but its only the beginning. Many questions remain about PE.

How can I judge if I have a real problem?

What causes PE?

What can I do to delay the inevitable?

How can I get rid of all the anxiety I have about sexual performance in general?

Those are crucial questions. This book answers them. Guess what? All the news is good: Most doctors and sex therapists agree that PE is treatable and that there are effective techniques for training yourself to last longer.

If thats true, then whats holding up the party? Many men are too embarrassed to seek help or are unconvinced that the problem can be remedied. The PE Prevalence and Attitudes survey found that only 9 percent of men with PE have consulted their physicians about it.

Even if youve never spoken to a professional about PE, just reading this book is a terrific step in the right direction. It means you want help and are open-minded enough to try some new (and proven!) techniques. In fact, this book is your new secret weapon: a step-by-step action plan of strategies that will help you train yourself to delay the point of no return during sex. Think of it as training for a marathon or weight lifting for size and strength, except in this case instead of building stronger legs and bigger biceps, you will be building stronger, healthier erections and more stamina and control over your ejaculation.