Jon Birger - Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge

Praise for Make Your Move

Make Your Move is perfect and perfectly timed for me, personally. I used to think I was an assertive dater, but not compared to the smart women whose stories Jon Birger tells in his new book. I will now go forth bolder than ever! With data and real-life examples of women who have taken command of their dating lives, Make Your Move will give you the skills and the confidence you need to win at love.

Ylonda Gault, author of Child, Please: How Mamas Old-School Lessons Helped Me Check Myself Before I Wrecked Myself

Rules are meant to be broken and dating culture has been long overdue for a rewrite. As a dating coach of 15+ years, I have always recommended that female clients take control of their love lives and witnessed how that consistently leads to more matches than a chivalry-led strategy. Make Your Move expertly outlines this argument and gives women the tools to find quality partners in this changing dating landscape.

Damona Hoffman, advice columnist for the LA Times and host of The Dates & Mates Podcast

Every day my patients tell me about failed relationships and dating disasters. The majority of women who freeze their eggs are doing it because they have not found the right partner. Jon Birgers new book explains why traditional dating advice fails so many of these womenpushing them to play games or conceal career goals just to land a man. I highly recommend Make Your Move to women who are frustrated with the state of modern dating.

Dr. Lynn Westphal, chief medical officer of Kindbody and former director of Stanford Universitys Fertility Preservation Program

Make Your Move is a book that provides clarity during a confusing time for singles. Datings old rules dont work anymore. Todays new era demands a new guidebook for how to seek and create lasting relationships. Thankfully we have Jon Birger, who weaves analytical research, exhaustive reporting, and fun storytelling into practical counsel that moves past all the outdated thinking and tired advice on dating. Make Your Move, in a way no other work has, helps us rethink who we want and how to meet them.

Sridhar Pappu, The Male Animal columnist for the New York Times

In his seminal Date-onomics, Jon Birger showed how the dating odds are stacked against even the most accomplished women. In Make Your Move, hes reshuffled the deck so that single women have the upper hand. In the high-stakes dating game, Jon Birger offers modern women a winning chance at love.

Melanie Notkin, author of OTHERHOOD: Modern Women Finding a New Kind of Happiness

Jon Birger brings an economists scientific rigor and a magazine writers lively writing to the topic of romantic relationships and the high-achieving womans search for love. If Freakonomics and Liza Mundys The Richer Sex had a love child, it might be Make Your Move.

Stephanie Mehta, editor in chief of Fast Company

If youre frustrated with the transactional approach to romance fostered by dating apps, Jon Birgers new book offers a refreshing alternative. Navigating the dating world through the lens of science, Make Your Move gives successful women tools and solutions for finding marriage-minded, romantic partners. An honest and compelling read, Make Your Move provides reassurance and hope for singles looking for their dream match.

Amy Andersen, founder of Linx Dating and the matchmaker of Silicon Valley as dubbed by Vogue

Jon Birgers new dating book is a game changera must-read for todays young women struggling to find the same success with their personal lives that theyve already found with their careers, education, and so much else. Smart, fun, and fast-paced, Make Your Move blends anecdotal storytelling about finding love with the latest research on the biology and psychology of datingresearch that debunks so much of the conventional wisdom women have been raised on. If youre ready for a new approach for finding a partner, buy Make Your Move!

Jean Chatzky, bestselling author, financial editor at Today, and host of the HerMoney Podcast

Jon Birger seamlessly weaves together stories, scientific research, and compelling advice on rethinking the outdated gender norms preventing many single women from finding meaningful romantic relationships. With its counterintuitive but critically important message, Make Your Move is a dynamic read for single women of all ages.

Marcia Inhorn, professor of anthropology at Yale University and leading expert on rising global demand for infertility treatments

Also by Jon Birger

Date-onomics (2015)

Make Your Move copyright 2021 by Jon Birger

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews.

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First E-Book Edition: February 2021

Library of Congress Control Number: 2020034733

ISBN 978-1-948836-90-6 (trade paper)

ISBN 978-1-950665-62-4 (ebook)

Copyediting by Jennifer Greenstein

Proofreading by Jenny Bridges and Cape Cod Compositors, Inc.

Text design by PerfecType, Nashville, TN

Cover design by Kerry Rubenstein

Printed by Lake Book Manufacturing

Distributed to the trade by Two Rivers Distribution, an Ingram brand

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The stories and conversations in this book are true and based on my interviews with individuals or re-created from my memories of them. Interviewees identified only by first names have been given aliases. Some biographical details have been altered to protect their privacy.

M y friend Samantha spotted me as I was leaving the gym.

Hey, big guy, wait up!

A fifty-four-year-old travel agent, Sam had just finished reading my first book, Date-onomics, and I could tell she was itching to give me her review.

Writers are an insecure lot. Personally, Id rather wait in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles for two hours than listen to Sam, or any other friend, critique one of my books. While I love Sam to deathshe and I have been workout buddies for yearsshe also happens to be one of those people who are never shy about giving uncensored, unfiltered opinions about anything. So this was not exactly a conversation I was looking forward to.

Date-onomics explored how todays increasingly lopsided sex ratios among college graduates have given rise to hookup culture and declining marriage rates. Since 2000, four women have graduated from college for every three men. As a result, there are now 10.3 million women versus 8.1 million men among US college graduates under age thirty-five. So, no, its not all in your head. There really arent enough marriageable men.