Elliott - Laugh-Out-Loud Awesome Jokes for Kids

COVER DESIGN BY GEARBOX T o my wife, Joanna. Everyone needs someone who helps them through the good days and badshes my awesome! ContentsQ: Why cant you trust artists? A: Theyre sketchy. Q: Why did the baseball coach go to the bakery? A: He needed a batter. Q: What is a trees favorite drink? A: Root beer. Q: Where do you take a bad rainbow? A: To prism. Q: What do you call someone who grabs your cat and runs? A: A purr snatcher. Q: How do you get a bargain on a cruise vacation? A: Look for a clearance sail. Knock, knock. Whos there? To. To who? Dont you mean to whom?Q: What did the buck say to the doe? A: Im fawned of you, my deer. Knock, knock. Whos there? Ache. Ache who? Bless you!Bob: Did you hear about the farmer who wrote a joke book?Bill: No, is it any good? Bob: The jokes are pretty corny!Knock, knock. Whos there? Hector. Hector who? When the Hector you going to open the door?Emma: Can February March?Leah: No, but April May! Q: What do you call a nose with no body? A: Nobody knows! Q: Which has more courage, a rock or a tree? A: A rock, because its boulder! Josh: Do you think change is hard?Joe: I sure do! Have you ever tried to bend a quarter? Dave: Did you like my joke about the fish?Adam: Not really. Dave: Well, if you can think of a better fish joke, let minnow!Isaiah: How smart are you, Mason?Mason: Im so bright my mom calls me sun! Stanley: What happened when you found out your toaster wasnt waterproof?Dudley: I was shocked! Q: Why did the banana put on sunscreen? A: It was starting to peel. Q: Why did the Starburst go to school? A: He wanted to be a Smartie! Patient: Doctor, I think Im turning into a piano.Doctor: Well, thats just grand! Q: Where do you learn to saw wood? A: In a boarding school. Q: What is a sodas favorite subject in school? A: Fizz-ics! Q: Why dont grapes snore when theyre sleeping? A: They dont want to wake the rest of the bunch. Q: Whats a cows favorite painting? A: The Moo-na Lisa. Knock, knock. Whos there? Rita. Rita who? Rita good book lately?Knock, knock. Whos there? Ears. Ears who? Ears looking at you, kid!Q: What is a dentists favorite time of day? A: Tooth-thirty. Q: What happens to toilet paper with good grades? A: It goes on the honor roll! Q: Which tree is always at the doctors office? A: A sick-amore tree! Q: Why did the boy eat his homework? A: Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake. Q: What do you get when you throw noodles in a Jacuzzi? A: Spaghetti. Q: Why did the hog have a stomachache? A: He pigged out at dinner. Q: Why did the stereo blow up? A: It was radioactive! Q: How do you know when a bucket feels sick? A: It looks a little pail. Q: What plays music in your hair? A: A headband! Q: What kind of bird is with you at every meal? A: A swallow. Q: What goes ho-ho-ho, scratch-scratch-scratch? A: Santa Claws! Q: What are a hyenas favorite cookies? A: Snickerdoodles! Q: Why couldnt the beaver work on his computer? A: He forgot to log in. Q: What do you call a dog wearing earplugs? A: It doesnt matterit cant hear you anyway! Q: How much did Santas sleigh cost? A: Nothing, it was on the house! Q: What is a skeletons favorite instrument? A: A trombone. Jenny: I should give my pig a bubble bath.Johnny: Thats hogwash! Q: Why did the clock go back four seconds? A: It was really hungry! Q: Why did the clam go to the gym? A: To work out its mussels. Q: Why did the doctor send the book to the hospital? A: It had to remove its appendix. Jim: I need someone to help me build an ark.Bob: I think I Noah guy! Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An im-pasta. Q: What has four legs but cant walk? A: A chair. Q: What kind of shoes does a ninja wear? A: Sneakers. Q: Why dont frogs die from laryngitis? A: Because they cant croak! Q: Why was the eye doctor sent home from the party? A: He was making a spectacle of himself. Q: What kind of underwear does a lawyer wear? A: Briefs. Q: When does a hot dog get in trouble? A: When its being a brat. Jimmy: That soda just hit me on the head!Bobby: Oh no, are you OK?! Jimmy: Yeah, luckily it was a soft drink.Emma: Did you like your book about gravity?Leah: Yes, I couldnt put it down! Q: Why did the boy stop using his pencil? A: It was pointless. Q: Why did the ruler fail in school? A: It didnt measure up. Q: Why did the wood fall asleep? A: It was board. Q: Why did the bee need allergy medicine? A: It had hives. Q: What do you get when you cross a judge and a skunk? A: Odor in the court! Q: Why was the peanut mad at the pretzel? A: It was in-salt-ing him. Q: What kind of potato do you see on the news? A: A commen-tater. Q: Why did the pig get out of bed? A: It was time to rise and swine! Q: What is E. T. short for? A: Because his legs are so little! Q: What is the most negative month of the year? A: November! Q: How does a deer carry its lunch? A: In a bucket! Q: Why did the bee go to the barber? A: He wanted a buzz cut. Q: How do you make your shoe stay quiet? A: Put a sock in it! Q: Whats a plumbers favorite instrument? A: A pipe organ. Q: Why shouldnt you have plastic surgery? A: Because its rude to pick your nose. Q: Why did the baker have a rash? A: Because he was making bread from scratch! Q: How did the celery get rich? A: It invested in the stalk market. Q: What do you get when you throw a rooster in the bathroom? A: A cock-a-doodle-loo! Q: What do you call a can of Jell-O? A: Gelatin. Q: Whos in charge of the tissue company? A: The handkerchief. Q: How do owls like their rabbits for breakfast? A: Bunny-side up! Q: What do bunny rabbits eat in the summer? A: Hop-sickles. Q: Why do cannibals like dentists the best? A: Theyre the most filling!