Rob Elliott - Try Not to LOL

A s an adoptive dad, Id like to dedicate this book to the kids who are experiencing the challenges of foster care and the families who care for them. May you be blessed with laughter, love, and the gift of family! R. E. Q: What do you get when you combine a cat, a skunk, and a clown? A: A cat that smells funny. Q: Why did the tennis players get in trouble? A: They were making too much racquet. Q: What kind of tears do cowboys cry? A: Frontiers. Q: What do you call a comedian with a cup of grape juice? A: Enter-staining! Q: Did you hear about the guy who was caught stealing a calendar? A: The judge gave him twelve months! Q: What do boxers have at their birthday party? A: Pound cake and punch! Q: What do you call a cheerful wizard? A: Opti-mystic. Q: What does a race car driver wear to the beach? A: A Lambor-kini. Q: What kind of monster might you find in the woods in Russia? A: A Nyet-i! Q: What is the difference between a sheep and a sheep dog? A: One has fleece and the other has fleas. Knock, knock. Whos there? Chicken. Chicken who? Just chicken to see if youre home.Q: What happens when you bring your teacher a biscuit? A: Shell put you on the honor roll. Q: Whats a housekeepers favorite dessert? A: Sponge cake. Q: What do you get when you cross meat, potatoes, and a dictionary? A: Something stew-dious. Phil: How do I tell my mom I dont like her hot dogs? Will: Just be frank. Q: What do horses put on their pancakes? A: Butter and stirrup. Q: How many letters are in the alphabet if you take out the a and the e? A: Six! There are eight letters in the word. Q: What did the kids say when the carnival left town? A: Thats so un-fair! Q: Why cant you trust a flight of stairs? A: Theyre always up to something. Q: How did the race car driver feel after the race was over? A: Exhaust-ed! Q: Why did they evacuate the baseball stadium? A: There were too many bats! Q: What is a birds favorite kind of treat? A: Chocolate chirp cookies. Q: Who is the quietest fish in the sea? A: The great white shhhhhhark. Q: Whats an Alaskan huskys favorite kind of vegetable? A: Mush-rooms! Q: What do bubble gum and a train have in common? A: They both chew, chew, chew. Knock, knock. Whos there? Dallas. Dallas who? This is Dallas straw!Q: Why did Jupiter break up with Pluto? A: It needed some space. Q: Why did the young skunk get in trouble with his mom? A: He should have had the scents to know better. Knock, knock. Whos there? August. August who? August of wind blew my hat off.Knock, knock. Whos there? Dale. Dale who? Dale be consequences if you dont open the door!Knock, knock. Whos there? Gwen. Gwen who? Gwen do you think youll get around to opening the door?Q: What is the great thing about elevator jokes? A: They are funny on so many levels! Knock, knock. Whos there? Earl and Bert. Earl and Bert who? The Earl and Bert gets the worm.Q: Why are spices so trustworthy? A: Theyre always on thyme. Q: What kind of snack can you eat in the library? A: Hush puppies. Q: What do a kitten and a baker have in common? A: They both like to start from scratch. Q: How does a farmer count his animals in the barn? A: He uses a cow-culator. Q: Why did King Kong climb to the top of the Empire State Building? A: He was too big to fit in the elevator! Q: What do you get when you cross a dentist and a band director? A: A tuba toothpaste. Q: Why do mathematicians make good friends? A: Because you can always count on them. Q: Why did the deer go shopping for pants? A: Because it was buck naked! Q: Why did the pig get kicked out of the soccer game? A: Because it was hogging the ball. Knock, knock. Whos there? Ostrich. Ostrich who? Ostrich my legs before I go for a run.Q: What kind of shoes do art teachers wear? A: Skechers. Q: What do you call a squirrel in a space suit? A: An astro-nut. Q: What do you call a kitten that likes to bowl? A: An alley cat. Q: What kind of vegetable will put you in a good mood? A: Hap-peas! Q: What is the number-one game in the world? A: Uno! Knock, knock. Whos there? Kelp. Kelp who? Kelp me open the door.Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: It was losing its memory. Knock, knock. Whos there? Otter. Otter who? You otter open up so I can tell you another joke!Q: Why did the boy bring a can of soda to class? A: He heard there might be a pop quiz! Q: Why did the dinosaur go to the gas station? A: It wanted some fossil fuel. Q: What do you get when you combine a skunk and a dinosaur? A: A stink-a-saurus. Q: What did the whale say to the beach? A: Long time no sea. Q: What do you call a dog whos the life of the party? A: Pup-ular! Q: What do you hear when you cross a witch and a race car? A: Broom, broom, broom... Q: Why did the duck refuse to take its medicine? A: It thought the doctor was a quack. Knock, knock. Whos there? Window. Window who? Window you want to hear another joke?Q: How do hot dogs feel about taking a vacation? A: They relish it! Knock, knock. Whos there? Olive. Olive who? Olive to tell you all my jokes.Q: What is a fishs favorite kind of music? A: Christmas corals. Q: Why do pine trees get straight As in math class? A: They know all about geome-tree and square roots. Q: Why do potatoes always win at hide and seek? A: They keep their eyes peeled. Q: What is the smartest bug in the world? A: The spelling bee. Q: Why did the astronaut get bad grades in school? A: He was always spacing out!