Razvan S. Macovei - English Laughs Best. 300 Fabulous Pun Jokes to Learn English

~~~ Smashwords Edition Copyright 2014 by Razvan S. Macovei Smashwords Edition Cartoons by Razvan S. Macovei All rights reserved. No part of this book may be usedor reproduced in any manner whatsoever without writtenpermission. Smashwords Edition, License Notes This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoymentonly.

This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people.If you would like to share this book with another person, pleasepurchase an additional copy for each recipient. If youre readingthis book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for youruse only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer andpurchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work ofthis author.

This book is dedicated to those who believethat English should be fun. It is also a tribute to all whostruggle to write witty and inspirational materials for the studyof English language. I would like to express my gratitude to myteachers in the past who taught me part of the English I know nowand who thus, indirectly, have contributed to the creation of thisbook.

I would like to thank Mr. Mario Rinvolucriwhose teachings and books have inspired me to explore new ways ofthinking and means of expression. My grateful thanks are extended to mystudents whose genuine thirst for knowledge has triggered in me thedesire to put my ideas on paper. Finally, I would like to thank my dear wifefor the pertinent advice she has given me during the process ofwriting this book and for the enormous amount of sunshine shebrings to my life every day.

American humorist Erma Bombeck once said:"When humour goes, there goes civilization". Laughter is"the best medicine", indeed.

It is known to boost the immunesystem, reduce stress, and improve creativity and imagination.Laughter is contagious and brings people together. On the otherhand, it is common knowledge that learning is more productive whenit is fun-based. Puns have always constituted a great sourceof humour in any language and English is no exception. A pun makesan excellent learning tool, as the deliberate confusion which itimplies usually creates a powerful visual image. As a result, thepiece of language that is targeted is easily remembered. The main reason I have written this book isto put a smile on your face.

My second goal, but of equalimportance, is to make you enrich your English vocabulary withuseful idioms and phrases. If you are studying English as a secondlanguage, there is enough helpful and amusing material here to helpyou do this. If you are an EFL teacher, you will discover valuablejokes to make your classes more entertaining, whether you teachbeginners or advanced learners. Although written with a non-nativespeaker in mind, the jokes will surely appeal to native speakers aswell. I am a person who understands the importanceof adequate language in teaching; therefore, I have carefullyselected the jokes to include in this book so that it should besafe to read for most ages. However, due to the content of some ofthe jokes and cartoons, I feel my book is more appropriate toteenagers than to children.

At the end of the book, I have provided youwith an appendix which contains the most important idiomsand phrases I have used in it, along with their explanations, and apun mind map. The latter includes the key words or the imageassociations that make each of the three hundred pun jokes easy toremember. For example, the pun mind map that I have suggested forthe pun "Why did everyone try to climb on the bar's roof? They'dheard all drinks were on the house" is: "bar's roof - drinkson the house". I do hope you will memorize many of thesejokes and share them with the others. I can assure you this willbring immense joy to you all. Thank you for choosing this book! Good luckin learning English and don't forget: keep smiling! The Author

What did the fox tell the turkey on ThanksgivingDay? "Can you stay for dinner?" How much does a shark diving tour cost? An arm and a leg. How did the contortionist embarrass his futuremother-in-law? He put his foot in his mouth.

Why is punctuation so hard to digest? It gets stuck in the colon. Why do soldiers in the war rarely receiveletters? Nobody likes reading between the lines. What's the best thing to do to prevent Alzheimer? Forget about it. Why can't garbage bins have long-termrelationships? They get dumped easily. Which was the snake's favourite subject? Hisstory. Why don't welders go to classical music concerts? They are addicted to heavy metal.

What do boxers always order when they eat out? Spare ribs. How does a cannibal ask for help? "Can you give me a hand?" How do cheetahs defy nutrition? They eat only fast food but they never put onweight. Why is Bill Gates the most religious man on theplanet? He has spent his whole life among icons. How do you infuriate an artefact collector? You say something bad about their mummy. Why did the sardine choose to becomeself-educated? It didn't like schools. Why did the Eskimo leave his bride at the altar? He got cold feet.

What did the farmer say when the bull producedmilk? "Holy cow!" Why couldn't the sailors see Moby Dick attack? They were having a whale of a time. How did Quasimodo figure out that people mocked athim? He had had a hunch. What do you have when a Leo insults a Scorpio? Horrorscope. Why do people always stammer when they talk abouttheir ancestors? Because everyone had a great-great-greatgrandfather. Why couldn't the chameleon take its girlfriend outfor dinner? It had butterflies in its stomach. Why aren't bald guys invited to parties? They can't let their hair down.

What did the confectioner say when the exam wasover? "Piece of cake!" What was the glutton's favourite season? Season the steak. Why don't balloons live long enough to getmarried? Because they pop the question. Why are English teachers' hearts different thanothers'? They beat-beat-beaten. What do IT workers take when they are sick? A tablet. Why couldn't the stuffed animals revolt against thetaxidermist? They didn't have the guts. How do bees congratulate each other? "Give me hive!" What happened to the comedian who liked to drink? He skipped his number and went straight to the punchline.

What did a wet cloth say to another? "Will you hang out with me?" Why was the condor so conceited? It had friends in high places. Why are sculptors great lovers? They put their spouses on a pedestal. When do most people tend to lose their head? Near the guillotine. What is the worm still doing in New York? It is looking for The Big Apple. What did a flint piece say to its date? "I see no spark between us." What did the oval tell the square? I think you are in great shape. What's the only vegetable that you can create withyour feet? Squash.

Why is testament also called will? Because it's all about "will I get the houseor not?" How did cavemen raise money for disco? They clubbed together. Why do donkeys make good listeners? They are all ears. Why did the ornithologist divorce? Irreconcilable differences: he was an early bird andshe was a night owl. Why didn't the janitor put the "wet sign" on thefloor? It slipped her mind. Why couldn't the onion get a decent date? It made everybody cry.