Mahood - Every day is a holiday

JANUARY

January 1st

The zombies didnt attack, but I was ready for them.

There are a few simple steps that you can take to prepare yourself for azombie invasion. Firstly, you should secure your surroundings by locking alldoors and windows. Zombies are persistent creatures though, and will forcetheir way into a locked house in very little time. It is at this stage that youneed to prepare a suitable method of defence. Many people confuse zombies withvampires, and assume that wounding a zombies heart will kill it. Zombies arenot afraid of crucifixes either. These are common misconceptions that need tobe addressed. The only way to kill a zombie is to destroy its brain. Usewhatever method works best for you. I armed myself with a baseball bat, a meatcleaver and two golf clubs (my trusty 5 and 7-irons, as I have a habit oftaking air shots with all other clubs).

If both of the above methods fail, it is important to get to a safe placeas quickly as possible. Safe places include army bases, prisons or air raidshelters. If none of these are convenient then the local pub will suffice. Despitean absence of zombies, I took refuge in the local pub, just in case. I didnttake my golf clubs, baseball bat or meat cleaver with me, as the locals get abit funny about things like that.

The reason I was paranoid about a zombie invasion is that January 1stis not just New Years Day, it is also known as Z-day. Z-day, or ZombieDay, is a day dedicated to a sudden uprising of the undead, when a battlebetween them and mankind commences. Why zombies would choose to attack on a daydesignated to their uprising, I am unsure. I would have thought that even theliving dead could appreciate the element of surprise.

Dont worry. This isnt a book about zombies. I wont mention them again,I promise.

As well as being New Years Day and Z-Day, January 1st isalso New Years Dishonour List Day a day, created by Lake Superior State University in Michigan, on which a list of overused words and phrases thatshould be banned from the English language is published. This years listincluded the words: Fiscal Cliff, YOLO (you only live once), BucketList and Superfood.

The Universitys website has an option to submit words for considerationnext year. I submitted the words: anyhoo, Blue Sky Scenario andthe suffix dot com. I dont mean the end of companies web addresses -most of the internet would collapse if that was abolished. I mean people usingthe phrase as part of everyday conversation, or on social media. For example, Imhungry.com or just simply bored.com. It doesnt make any sensewhatsoever. Its just so pointless.com.

My plan is to spend the first six months of this year celebrating as manyof these bizarre, weird and wonderful days, weeks and months as possible.

Recently, I had been feeling that something was missing from my life, butI couldnt work out exactly what. I am still fairly young and healthy. I have akind, caring, funny, clever, talented and EXTREMELY beautiful wife (who is alsoediting this book and keeps adding adjectives), and three amazing children. Wehave our own house. Having been a self-employed layabout for quite a while, myphotography work has increased in recent years and we now just about manage topay the bills each month. I was extremely happy. But I still had that nigglingfeeling inside. I needed something more. Then the realisation hit me suddenlyat the end of last year; I was suffering a mid-life crisis, at the age of 33.

I had my own proper adventure a few years ago when my good friendBen and I set off to cycle the length of Great Britain, with the slightdisadvantage that we didnt have bikes, clothes, shoes or money. It was threeof the greatest weeks of my life and the excitement, fear and adrenaline that Ifelt during that journey would be almost impossible to ever replicate. Life athome then became very different. Nine months after finishing the trip my wifeRachel and I had a baby. Soon after that we had another, and then another, andin the space of four years we had three children. I love being a dad more thananything, and having children is undoubtedly the best thing that has everhappened to me. But I was still restless. I had itchy feet (Im sure I couldhave got some cream for them), and a desire to get back out there and haveanother adventure. I wanted to push and challenge myself again. I was stuck in aroutine and something needed to change in order to reignite that spark in me.

I wrote a book about our bike ride which I published, andbeyond all my expectations, people seemed to like it. They were envious of myadventure and enjoyed sharing it vicariously. They wanted to know when I wasgoing on my next adventure. When WAS I going on my next adventure? Or was that justa one off?

I was now a mature (debatable) grown-up, with three youngchildren. I couldnt really just disappear for a long period of time on anotherphysical challenge. Adventures dont have to be physical, though. Just learninga new skill or finding a new hobby is an adventure in itself. You can have anadventure just by experiencing something new; trying something different that drawsyou away, if only briefly, from your normal routine.

The usual cure for a mid-life crisis is a road trip across America on a motorbike, or the spontaneous purchase of a ridiculous sports car. Some mentake up a strange uncharacteristic hobby, such as potholing, skateboarding...or Zumba. Me? I chose to treat my mid-life crisis with a celebration of allthat is considered important in this world.

The idea hit me one day when I heard on the radio that it was TalkLike A Pirate Day or National Donut Eating Day, or something likethat, which happened to coincide with LeprechaunHuggers AppreciationMonth, or International Dog Poo Picker Uppers Week, or somethingsimilarly ridiculous. I did some research and discovered there are literallyhundreds of these days throughout the year. I realised that somebody somewherehad created these days. Somebody somewhere felt that these various celebrationswere important enough to warrant their own day, week or month. And if thesethings were significant enough to have entire days set aside for them, thensurely I should be more appreciative of their existence. I decided that if Ican celebrate as many of these days, weeks and months as possible, then I willbe exposing myself to everything that is worthy and important in this world;absorbing new and valuable qualities along the way. At the end of it... whoknows? But I hope to maybe be a more rounded, happier and content person.

Why only six months? Why not an entire year? I realise that a full yearof holiday celebrations would make more sense. To celebrate only half of them,would mean I was also missing out on 50% of what is considered important inthis world.

There are two main reasons for this. Firstly, I wanted to be realisticwith my ambitions. A year is a bloody long time, and I know that I would bemore likely to give up on the challenge if it felt like it was never going toend. Six months is still a long time, but it would be a lot more manageable.

The other reason was based around the practicalities of me writing abook. This may never even make it as far as a book, but, for me to make it evenremotely worth reading (it is, stick with it), I will need to cover each day asthoroughly as I can. If I extended this project to cover an entire year - andstill try and make a readable book from it - I would be flitting from day today far too quickly, without any substance or depth (either that or write abook longer than War and Peace that nobody would ever finish). This wholeproject will probably be disjointed as it is, with such a weird eclectic mix ofholidays to celebrate. Who knows how it will pan out? Your guess is as good asmine.