Joanne Davila - The Thinking Girls Guide to the Right Guy: How Knowing Yourself Can Help You Navigate Dating, Hookups, and Love

THE GUILFORD PRESS
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Epub Edition ISBN: 9781462523375; Kindle Edition ISBN: 9781462523399

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Last digit is print number: 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

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ISBN 978-1-4625-1695-7 (paper) ISBN 978-1-4625-2276-7 (hard)

Purchasers of this book can download and print larger versions of select practical tools from for details).

T his book would never have come to fruition without the support of many people in our professional and personal lives.

I (Joanne) would like to thank:

Kaycee, my coauthor, without whom I never would have written this book. She inspired me with her passion, dedication, and creativity. Its been an amazing collaboration thats become a valued friendship.

My mentors and colleagues who fostered and supported my scientific and professional development, including Connie Hammen, Tom Bradbury, Steve Beach, Frank Fincham, Gayle Beck, and Marv Goldfried.

All of the scholars who understand the importance of close relationships and are making important contributions to our scientific understanding of them and to evidence-based prevention and intervention programs designed to improve relationships.

My colleagues from the Bradbury Lab. You are my academic family, and I have benefited greatly from your intellect and your friendship.

My current and former students: Sara Steinberg, Kate Stroud, Melissa Miller, Lisa Starr, Athena Yoneda, Rachel Hershenberg, Brian Feinstein, Vickie Bhatia, and Jess Latack. Youve all contributed to the intellectual environment that made this book possible.

My colleagues at Stony Brook University, who provided me with the practical and social support that assisted in the completion of this book. Thank you for believing in me and valuing this endeavor.

My clients, from whom I have learned an incredible amount about the power of relationships.

C. K., whose wisdom and guidance helped me personally navigate the world of relationships.

My family and friends, who have taught me the most about relationships and whose continuous support and love have given me great joy and assisted me in reaching my goals. And D. M., for giving me the opportunity to successfully live out the skills in this book.

I (Kaycee) would like to thank:

Joanne, my coauthor, without whom I never would have written this book. I marvel at the way she uses the skills and her deep fact-based knowledge about healthy relationships. I am grateful for the trust and friendship that has developed while writing this book, which I shall cherish.

Dr. Julius Licata (www.teencentral.net), for our many hours spent on discussions, articles, and podcasts to help teens understand healthy relationships.

My daughter and son, the root of my passionmore than anything I want the story of their lives to be one of personal power and healthy relationships.

My mom and sister (you know why).

My friends and colleagues, who through day-to-day relationships both personally and professionally have furthered my knowledge of the intricacies and nuances of how to build healthy relationships.

My husband, Terry, without whose support and understanding I would not have become a writer. He is my healthy relationship.

We would both like to thank:

Kitty Moore, Publisher of General Trade Books at The Guilford Press, who emphatically supported this book right from the beginning and convinced us that Guilford was the right home for it.

Chris Benton, our developmental editor at Guilford, who, through her insightful questions and careful editing, challenged us in ways that made this a better book.

All of the young women who reviewed earlier versions of the book and whose ideas helped us make it clear and relevant for you, the reader.

Ross Lonergan, our personal editor, who made sure that the drafts we sent to Guilford provided a clean read.

All of the staff at Guilford who made this book possible.

And, finally, all of the young women whom we interviewed for this book. We thank you for your willingness to share your stories, your candor in doing so, and your desire to have the skills for a healthy relationship. Without you, this book would not exist.

I f youve picked up this book, its probably because you havent been able to get or have the relationship you want. Whatever youre looking for, something casual or something more serious, things never seem to go the way you expect.

Maybe you feel like Maria, age 27, an accountant for a social media company, who feels like shes always picking the wrong guy. He seems to be great at the time, but then shes like, What was I thinking?

Maybe you feel like Rachel, age 23, a manager at an upscale restaurant, who is frustrated by confronting the same relationship problems over and over. Shes facing the Why does this keep happening to me?! dilemma.

Maybe youre like Sarah, age 21, a junior in college. Shes in a relationship, but shes unhappy. She wants it to last, but they cant seem to stop arguing and they cant get past their differences. Shes constantly thinking, How can I make it work?!

Maybe, like Vanessa, a 31-year-old teacher, youve had so many disappointing experiences you feel like you dont even know what it takes to have a good relationship, or that it isnt even possible.

Well, dont worry. It is possible. We know what it takes, and we have solutions for your problems.

We believe that women end up disappointed with their relationships because theyre trying to be what the guy wants without first having a deep understanding of

So, the real problem is this: Women spend so much time wanting to be what guys want, trying to make guys like them, trying to fix problematic relationships. We all know women who, after every breakup, ask, What did I do wrong? Why cant I get a guy to like me? Or women who change their looks and likes and dislikes based on the guy theyre with. So many women are trying to figure out what the right thing is to do, be, or say. Theyre Googling things like How do I get a guy to like me? and Is it okay to make the first move? and What will he think if... [