Table of Contents
More Praise forThe Secrets of Happily Married Men
Once in a generation a book is published that changes the discourse about men and marriage. The Secrets of Happily Married Men is that book. Dr. Haltzman weaves a compelling yet humorous argument for a mans ability to master the skills necessary for understanding his wife and developing a marriage he can be proud of. Haltzman obviously relishes controversy and has several provocative discussions about traditional feminist-based marriage therapy being unfair to men, as well as the brain-and hormone-based differences between women and men.
Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., professor of psychology,
American University; author, Getting
It Right the First Time and Rekindling Desire
This terrific book is full of stuff you can do (yes, you!). It will guide you in how to connect with your wife in ways that count. She may have bought it, but you need to read it. Get busy. By the way, my wife grabbed this book and read it before I did and she thinks its wonderful. Maybe you could read it before your wife does! Big points, fella.
Scott Stanley, marital researcher; author, The Power of Commitment: A Guide to Active, Lifelong Love, and co-author, Fighting for Your Marriage
Written in the language of men, this brave, take-no-prisoners, highly practical, pro-marriage book is a must-read for men and women alike. I read it from cover to cover.
Pat Love, Ed.D., author, The Truth About Love
This book will reach married men (and women) in their minds and hearts. Rather than portraying men as deficient in relationships, Scott Haltzman shows men how to bring their unique strengths to their marriage and how to manage their unique challenges. He blends neuroscience, clinical experience, and everyday stories of men in marriage in a compelling way. A gift to the married men of the world.
William J. Doherty, Ph.D., professor of family social science,
University of Minnesota; author, Take Back Your Marriage:
Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart
In a culture that too often blames men and their alleged lack of relationship skills for failing marriages, Secrets tells it like it ismen can and often do take successful action to help their marriages. It helps point men in the right direction and tells the truth about how traditional marriage counseling is often an inhospitable environment for men.
Glenn Sacks, columnist and host of radio talk show His Side with Glenn Sacks
We live in a world that has largely given up on the idea that men might be fit for family life and cooperative, communicative equality with women. Psychiatrist and marriage therapist Scott Haltzman now comes to the rescue. Scott spends his life listening to men, to the pain and confusion of guys trying to answer Freuds immortal question, What does a woman want? or, more germane, What does a womans therapist or self-help guru want? Scott has written an invaluable book, crammed with good advice for men on marriage and with cues for women to understand what it feels like to be a man and how men might be useful if everyone would stop trying to fix the fact that they are men. (Scott is well aware that being a man is no excuse for being a pig.) This book should be on the bedside table of any marriage with a man in it.
Frank S. Pittman III, M.D., author, Man Enough and Grow Up!
My wife and I have been married for forty-one years, with never any doubts, and yet, somehow, reading Haltzmans Secrets was rewarding. It revealed new things about me, us, and her.
Gary Sutton, business-turnaround expert; author, Corporate Canaries
Finally, the book that every man needs to read and every woman will want her special guy to memorize. This book destroys the myth that men know nothing and care little about how to have a successful relationship. In fact, most men want to be good husbands more than anything else in life. Not only that, but given half a chance were actually quite good at it. Dr. Haltzman gives us the tools we need to make marriage work. But I warn you, this book is not for the politically correct or for those who think that men need to be fixed. This book celebrates our differences and recognizes that there is nothing more important in life than learning to have a successful marriage. Get a copy for him and for her and for everyone else you care about.
Jed Diamond, author, Male Menopause and The Irritable Male Syndrome
Every decade or so, a book about marriage comes along whose perspective is unique, essential, and marriage changing. The Secrets of Happily Married Men is that kind of book. Like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, this book is hard to put down whether you are a woman or a man. It grips you from the first page and challenges you to tell the kinds of secrets that lead to real happier marriages and human love.
Michael Gurian, author, What Could He Be Thinking?, The Wonder of Boys, and The Minds of Boys
In memory of my mother, Dolly,
who always told me that
no goal was beyond my reach
and
In honor of my father, Jay,
who taught me more than any textbook could
about what it means to be a great husband
Acknowledgments
I make marriage my job. In the process, I also have made writing about marriage my job. And, as is true of every worthwhile task, many individuals have participated in my success.
My wife, Susan, has been my principal source of inspiration. I thank her for her edits, large and small, of both my writing and my behavior. She has helped me learn how to be a better husband and a better author.
My family is a web of support and a model for how marriages can work against all odds. Thanks to Dad, Matt, Alena, Jonathan, Mark, Jennifer, Bonnie, Shelly, Cliff, Walter, Jane, Amy and Richie, Andy and Karen, Brian and Patricia.
Alan Rinzler is an editors editor. Alan never accepted the premise that men dont think much about relationships; he pushed me to answer tough questions about who we are as men, and what to do about it. I am forever appreciative of his foresight and wisdom.
Theresa Foy DiGeronimo, my coauthor, displayed a brilliant capacity for keeping me focused and grounded. I am indebted to her for her patient collaboration.
John Martinjournalist, marketer, and tennis partnerdeserves special recognition for his writing help. Early on in this endeavor, John helped me find my voice; his influence can still be found throughout the pages of this book.
My secretary, Jennifer Correia, has supported my passion for saving marriages by fielding calls, arranging travel, and handling all the details that escape my attention. As I tell her at the end of each day, Thanks for all your help.
Betty Galligan, of Newberry PR, helped me spread the word that husbands matter. She worked hard for me, and I appreciate that.
I want to extend thanks to Nancy Ellis, literary agent. Nancy made sure that editors saw my work. She never wavered in her belief that the world needed this book.
Many of my friends have offered me opinions along the way, from Uggh to Bingo! Special thanks to Michael and Jane Mizrahi, Michael Meyerheim and Judy Nathanson, Bill and Sarah Donohue, Marshall and Therese Sonenshine, John and Abigail Carr, Howard and Nancy Feinglass, Scott Triedman and Mary Jo Kaplan, Mark and Sherra Rego.