James Alexander - 101 Christmas Crackers: Corny Jokes for the Festive Season!
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101 Christmas Crackers: Corny Jokes for the Festive Season!
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Yes, they make us groan and roll our eyes and plead Stop!, but corny Christmas cracker jokes still make us laugh! Here are 101 of the best, the worst and the cheesiest jokes for the festive season, guaranteed to make Christmas go with a bang!
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Yes, they make us groan and roll our eyes and plead Stop!, but corny Christmas cracker jokes still make us laugh! Here are 101 of the best, the worst and the cheesiest jokes for the festive season, guaranteed to make Christmas go with a bang! www.crombiejardine.com
1
Christmas: that time of year when we all want the past forgotten and the present remembered...
2
Did you hear the one about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa!
3
Rudolph warned the others before telling his favourite jokes... These jokes will sleigh you!
4
Did Santas little helpers go to an ordinary school? No, they were elf-taught.
5
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle.
6
Why were two of Santas reindeer originally both called Edward? Because two Eds are better than one.
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep and crisp and even.
How does Santa take his photos? With his North Pole-aroid, of course!
What does Santa do when an elf gets fat? He sends him to an elf farm.
Knock! Knock! Whos there? Oakham! Oakham who? Oakham all ye faithful!
Knock! Knock! Whos there? Wayne! Wayne who? Wayne in a manager...
Knock! Knock! Whos there? Hosanna! Hosanna who? Hows Sanna gonna get down the chimney?
Knock! Knock! Who's there? Hanna.
Knock! Knock! Whos there? Hosanna! Hosanna who? Hows Sanna gonna get down the chimney?
Knock! Knock! Who's there? Hanna.
Hanna who? Hanna partridge in a pear tree!
Knock! Knock! Who's there? Holly. Holly who? Holly-days are here again!
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is getting closer? He looks at his calen-deer.
What do you give a reindeer with a tummy upset? Elk-a-seltzer!
What do cows say on Christmas morning? Mooey Christmas!
How did the chickens dance at the Christmas party? Chick to chick!
Whos the bane of Santas life? The Elf and Safety Officer.
Why is Father Christmas such a good racing driver? Because hes always in Pole position.
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney? Because it soots him.
Whats brown and sneaks around the kitchen at Christmas? Mince spies!
What is Scrooges favourite game at Christmas? Mean-opoly.
What do angry mice send at Christmas? Cross mouse cards.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their game in a hotel lobby? Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
What do you get when you cross Christmas bells with skunks? Jingle smells!
What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar? He got 25 days.
Whats green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet! ribbet!? Mistle-toad.
Which carol is heard in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful!
Who looks after Father Christmas when hes ill? The National Elf Service.
What is Father Christmas wife called? Mary Christmas.
What do you call a man who claps at Christmas? Santapplause!
What do you say to Santa Claus when he is taking the register at school? Present!
What do monkeys like to sing at Christmas? Jungle Bells.
What would you get if you crossed Santa with a few ducks? Christmas quackers!
What would you get if you crossed Santa with a detective? Santa Clues.
What is Father Christmas dog called? Santa Paws.
What do vampires always put on their turkey at Christmas? Grave-y.
What do penguins like to sing? Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow!
What better defines an atheist than... a person who has no invisible means of support..?
What do Santas little helpers make in the run-up to Christmas? 10 an hour, plus overtime.
What do sheep write on their Christmas cards? Merry Christmas to ewe!
What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonky.
What do a Christmas tree and Mr Right have in common? Both can stay up for 12 days, have cute balls and look good with the lights on.
Whats a childs favourite king at Christmas? A stocKING!
What game do cows like to play at Christmas parties? Moos-ical chairs!
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnt chicken.
Whats the difference between an ordinary alphabet and a Christmas alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has no L.
What do elves learn in school? The elfabet.
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey hes always stuffed!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claus-trophobic!
What do you give a railway station master for Christmas? Platform shoes.
Why did the golfer want another pair of trousers for Christmas? In case he got a hole in one.
Knock! Knock! Whos there? Doughnut.
Knock! Knock! Whos there? Doughnut.
Doughnut who? Doughnut open until Christmas!
Whats an ig? An Eskimos house without a loo.
What did Adam say on the 24th of December? Its Christmas, Eve!
What do you get if you cross an archer with a gift wrapper? Ribbon Hood.
If there were 11 elves and another one joined them, what would he be? The twelf.
What did the snowman and his wife hang over their babys cot? A snow mobile.
What do elves travel about in at Christmas time? Mini vans.
What did Cinderella say when her photos werent ready in time for Christmas? Some day my prints will come.
Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I cant sleep, with all the excitement of Christmas.
Patient: Doctor! Doctor! I cant sleep, with all the excitement of Christmas.
Doctor: Try lying on the edge of your bed youll soon drop off.
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks! Ill never part with it.
What did Santa say to the man who lit up a cigarette in his grotto? Please dont smoke its bad for my elf.
What did the big candle say to the little candle? Im going out tonight!
What kind of motorbike do you think Father Christmas rides? A Holly Davidson.
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? Horn-aments!
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Snow caps.
Why is it difficult to keep a secret in the North Pole? Because your teeth chatter.
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