Amelia LaRoche - Ho-Ho-Ho Christmas Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone

Who delivers presents to dogs on Christmas Eve?

Santa Paws.

Ready for an abundance of holiday hilarity? Trade jokes with friends about all your favorite Christmas thingsSanta, reindeer, presents and more!

About the Author

Childrens book writer Amelia LaRoche loves to make people laugh. She lives in New England with a parrot named Penny Alt, who also loves making people laugh.

Whats red and white and red and white and red and white?

Santa rolling down a hill.

Whats Santas favorite garden tool?

The hoe, hoe, hoe.

Santas sleigh slid sloppily.

Why does Santa use the chimney?

It soots him.

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?

Nothing. It was on the house.

Who says, Oh, oh, oh!?

Santa walking backward.

Knock, knock.

Whos there?

Santa.

Santa who?

Santa Claus! You didnt know Santas last name?

What do you call someone whos afraid of Santa?

A Claus-trophobic.

Saint Nick knocked down ninety nifty knickknacks.

What do you get if Santa goes down a chimney when a fire is lit?

Crisp Kringle.

Knock, knock.

Whos there?

Interrupting Santa.

Interrupting San

Ho, ho, ho!

Outside in the snow, just after dawn,
Presents and gift wrap lay strewn here and yon.
The drainpipe dangled,
The lights were all tangled
Santa had crashed his sleigh on the lawn!

Why is Santa so good at karate?

Because he has a black belt!

How can you tell when Santa is inside your house?

You can sense his presents.

Santas mood is generally cheery,
But one day he felt rather dreary.
Mrs. Claus asked him why,
And he said with a cry,
Wholl deliver the gifts meant for me?

A limerick is a funny five-line poem. The first, second, and fifth lines rhyme, and the third and fourth lines rhyme. That means it has an A, A, B, B, A rhyme scheme. The third and fourth lines are also shorter than the other three. When you read limericks out loud, you can hear their beat.

Did you know that Santa Claus is based on a real person? Its true. Nicholas was a bishop in Turkey more than sixteen hundred years ago. His rich parents died when he was young, and he used their money to send secret gifts to poor people. One story says he tossed gold down a chimney so that the familys daughters could get married. The gold fell into a stocking they had hung there to dry. Today, Nicholas is the patron saint of children (and sailors, New York City, and many others).

Did you know that in Hawaii, Santa is called Kanakaloka? In England, hes Father Christmas, and in France hes Pre Nel. In Russia, hes Ded Moroz, which means Grandfather Frost. In Wales, hes Sion Corn, or Chimney John. In Poland, hes Gwiazdor (Star Man) and in Sweden, hes Jultomten (Christmas Brownie). In Japan, hes sometimes called Santa No Ojisan, which means Uncle Santa. You may also know him as Kris Kringle.

What did the elf say when Santa took attendance?

Present!

Whats green and white and red all over?

An elf with sunburn.

Knock, knock.

Whos there?

An elf.

An elf who?

An elf who cant reach the doorbell.

What does Santa use to clean his sleigh?

Comet.

Which of Santas reindeer has bad manners?

Rude-olph.

Why was Santas helper sad?

He had low elf-esteem.

How much rain would a rain cloud rain if a raincloud rained reindeer?

Knock, knock.

Whos there?

Santa.

Santa who?

Santa list of toys I want for Christmas. Do you think he got it yet?

What did the reindeer say to the elf?

Nothing. Reindeer cant talk.

Elves under eaves have raveled sleeves.

Which of Santas reindeer tried out for So You Think You Can Dance?

Blitzen. Bet you thought I was going to say Dancer!

The reindeer that pull Santas sleigh
Got together to gripe one day.
Said Vixen, Its tough
With all of that stuff!
Just how much does Santas sleigh weigh?

What do you call an elf with a lot of secrets?

Stelfy.

Whats invisible and smells like candy canes?

Elf breath.

An elf named Scotty grew suddenly bold.
He knew right off Santa had to be told.
From the North Pole Ill fly!
Santa asked, Oh? But why?
Its simple, said Scotty. Im cold!

Clever toy inventor Charles Pajeau hired several little people, dressed them in elf costumes, and asked them to play with his Tinkertoy construction sets in a window at a Chicago department store during the 1914 holiday season. His publicity stunt worked! A year later, more than a million Tinkertoy sets had been sold. Today, the most popular toys include video games and Barbie dolls.

Did you know that reindeer are real? Its true. Theyre a type of deer from the Arctic, and theyre called caribou in North America. Both males and females grow antlers. By the way, can you name Santas reindeer by heart? Theyre